Uggh

It’s damn near June, and I have the flu and a sinus infection. Miserable doesn’t even begin to describe me. I’m going back to bed now. *groans and rolls over*

Six Random Things

Amy tagged me!

Here are the rules: Link to the person who tagged you. Post the rules on your blog. Write six random things about yourself. Tag six people at the end of your post linking to their blog. Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog. Let the tagger know when your entry is up. Here goes:

1. I adore shoes, but I hate wearing them. I own an ungodly amount of shoes, and when I go shopping I can’t help but scout out some hotness in shoe form. But I spent most of my life in some type of dance shoe and have immediate relatives who have feet so jacked up they’d be better off as foot amputees, so that means I have to be careful what shoes I wear. Usually it’s more comfortable for me not to wear any at all. I don’t really like how shoes feel on my feet, and yes I *will* take a pair of shoes off if my feet hurt and not care where I am. I’m that crazy lady you see in the summer tipping barefoot across the parking lot with a pair of espadrilles in her hand cussing the pavement for being so hot. (Yes Jameil, I’m talking about feet again!)
2. I’m horrible about calling people back. I’ll remember like 3 days later that I was supposed to call you back then send you an ‘oops’ text. But I’m honest about it, so don’t be mad.
3. I don’t drink extra cold water and I’ll wait for the ice to melt before I drink ice water. Something about it being really cold makes me sneeze. Restaurant waitstaff get a kick out of me asking for ‘slightly-below-room-temperature water’. Everything else I drink has to be cold…damn near frozen for me to drink it (except my morning tea/coffee).
4. I love airports. There’s something about seeing people crossing paths in one big azz building at random intersections of their lives that interests me. Like this family is going on vacation, this person is going to a funeral, and I’m going to see my old college roommates, but for just a little while we’re all here and have something in common. I hope to visit all of the airports in the USA and most of the major international hubs before I die. Yep, I’m a nerd. Certified.
5. I’m excited about having kids. D and I are planning on waiting for a year after the wedding, but both of us are looking forward to being parents and talk about it almost daily. I think he’d be the best dad. We’re not rushing though, and we like it that way. I didn’t think I was going to want kids, but that maternal urge is no joke.
6. One of my nicknames is “Face”. I can and often do make some crazy looking faces and can’t for the life of me hide how I’m feeling because my face will tell on me. Back in high school, someone did an art project based on my mug…every day for 30 days she took a picture of me making a face then made a collage out of the pictures. Angry face, stinky face, WTF face, etc. She got an A on the project and it was featured in some local student art show. Kinda strange having my face be an art project, but that was my 8.5 minutes of fame.

 

I’m supposed to tag 5 other people, but I never know who to tag so if you want to play go for it and post this on your blog.

 

Gift this

You know those bath gel/lotion/loofah basket sets that you can get from W*lMart and the like? What about those “makeup sampler sets” complete with compact mirror? Does anybody ever use the stuff inside? Is that stuff even usable? I know for a fact that every single one of those I’ve ever gotten—usually from a boyfriend or family person I never see—still have the plastic on them and have ended up in the ‘forgotten product abyss’. I have used the ones from B&BW or Vicki’s Secret, but never the one that have brand names like “Bath and Spa Worx Sun-smelted raspberry” (trying to sound like the real brands). People really like giving those sets as gifts, especially because they’re so easy to stock up on after Christmas (you know the aisles are chock full of ‘em during the 75% off sales). I can’t lie, I’ve given them as gifts, but after this weekend I will never do it again.

 

See, I got coerced into going yardsale hopping this weekend with some co-workers and one of the most popular items for sale were those daggone “spa” baskets, with plastic still on, pricetags still affixed. I didn’t know the problem was so widespread.

 

But there has to be another type of “cheapie gift” for co-workers, etc that will actually get used. I’m struggling because one of my co-workers is moving to another part of the country, so there’s going to be a party in her honor and we’ve been asked to give gifts. I know getting a card that says, “Well….I guess that’s that, huh?” isn’t proper etiquette, and getting her a basket of off-label spa products or a potentially lethal lead-based faux-brand cosmetic palette is a waste of my time, money, and space. I don’t know her well enough to buy her some slippers, or Rogaine for that bald spot, but I don’t want to come off…uhh…ungracious….uhhh…cheap is more like it.

 

Suggestions?

Sending you a letter….

Dear Guy With The Souped Up Corolla,

 

You drive a Corolla. It is not a race car, and all the body kits, rims, tints, and stickers in the world will not make it a race car. It looks ridiculous. The spoiler, and the fake dual exhaust pipe (you can see through the second pipe…that’s how we know it’s fake) make your whip look like a clown car. I know you watched “The Fast and the Furious” and were inspired, but don’t use that inspiration on your little sister’s car. I half expected a circus clown to be driving when I pulled up next to you, but alas you were a greased up wannabe with fake Oa.kley shades. Poor baby.

 

 

Dear Co.mcast,

 

I pay you every month so I can watch my favorite TV. I could have gotten satellite, but I didn’t want to worry about the picture getting jacked up in bad weather. However, I’m beginning to rethink that decision. Why everytime it drizzles, do I have to sit without TV, phone, and internet for at least 10 minutes (yeah, you all conned me into having the 3-in-1 service for at least a year)? Why when I call customer service after 5PM do none of your representatives speak ‘good English’? I know her real name isn’t Suzy. But I can’t complain too much, she did give my movie channels free for 3 months because I gave her so much hell about my service being cut off during a rainstorm.

 

 

Dear Bank of Am.er.ica,

 

Thank you for fixing my account promptly after I caught your error. It was kind of scary seeing that deposit posted as a withdrawal. Ya girl almost had a heart attack, but thanks for being so nice about it and fixing it right away. I guess yall know better than to mess around too much with a black woman’s $$.

 

 

Dear Mother Nature,

 

You alright? All these floods and earthquakes and fires have us all worried. You flooded us out yesterday, but today it’s 75 degrees. And it was still snowing up near MN a few days ago. Girl, I know you haven’t been treated right, but there’s got to be a better way. *hugs*

 

 

Dear Neighbor Upstairs,

 

Stop. Phucking. At. 3 AM. Or at least stop screaming so damn loud. I’m glad you found a man and are getting some on the regular now. Remember how you told me all about not being able to find a man? Yeah, I do too. So I’m happy that you’re happy now, but please have some respect and bring the volume down. You woke me out of a deep sleep 4 times in the last week. Not a good thing.

 

 

Dear Neighbor Downstairs,

 

What the fugg do you cook that smells like that? I thought we solved this already. Stop burning cats and old tires for dinner, son. That shit smells like shit. Don’t make me drop a copy of “Cooking for Dummies” and a pack of incense at your door.

 

 

 

 

Dearest Co Worker,

 

Take a fugging shower. That is all.

 

 

 

 

Smooches,

Tasha

Happy Friday

Happy Friday yall! I need this weekend like white people need flip flops in 50 degree weather (please see stuffwhitepeoplelike.org if you don’t get that). Hope you all have a great weekend and

 

Happy Mothers’ Day to all the mommies!!!

Can’t We All Just Get Along?

I’m really feeling some kind of way today. My brother and I have never been close (or anything even remotely resembling close), and over the years we’ve been through some ish about him resenting me. I guess he’s never liked the fact that I was born female, or the fact that I was born, period. Mind you he’s the only “whole” sibling I have. He’s mad that I never knew about what he went through as he was growing up and lived my life in oblivion of his struggles. Umm, son…no one told me. If no one tells me, how the hell am I supposed to know? But whatever, I’m not going to go through all of it right now…that’s some mess for a telenovela, and I don’t feel like stirring up the dust of those emotions. I’m sure yall get the idea though.

 

Anyway, he lives all of 25 minutes away from me and we only speak once a year, if that. Christmas and birthday cards get sent, but that’s about it. If I need to address something with him, I email him. So I sent an email asking if he’d heard from our father. Of course he hadn’t, but the emails drifted to the subject of our parents. Basically, he hates them both. He doesn’t really have a relationship with our father (for obvious reasons, if you’ve read some of my older posts), and our mother he just tolerates because she gave him life. He hasn’t been up to see her in about 5 years. He says he refuses to go up there anymore. He’ll call her maybe once a month. He resents the fact that she’s had some issues with her money (he taught her how to budget money after she got a settlement, but some people take more than one lesson), he resents that she was so easy with me growing up (but I went through some HORRIFYING mess that he isn’t fully aware of, so she could only be but so hard on me without me attempting suicide—which I did, but that’s a story for another day), he essentially hates her, and never has anything nice to say about her. He was mad when her and our step dad bought him a car that he didn’t like (completely paid for car—I’ll take it!), so he fucked the engine up and had her go with him to finance a shinier Camry instead.

 

 

He’s got issues. But hell, we all got issues. If I can forgive him for almost killing me the day of our grandfather’s funeral (he said the only reason why he didn’t was because blood is hard to clean off the walls), then he can move on and forgive our mother for whatever she may have done. Hell, she got his azz through college and grad school. Uggh. And because he’s so distant from her, she’s latched onto me with some fierceness, which I’ve written about before too. But I don’t mind so much, because I know that a mother wants a relationship with her children, so she makes up for not having my brother by being extra close to me. * big sigh* Sorry, I digress.

 

One line of his email said, “It’s simpler without mom and dad”. That left me feeling some kind of wrong. I know our father has been a piece of dog ish, so life is better without having a close relationship with him, but you can’t just forget completely about the man. And to say that life is simpler without your own damn mother is just not right. She doesn’t ask him for anything, she just wants a relationship with him. Sure she has ways that make everyone scratch their collective heads, but that’s your mama man. His comments rubbed me all wrong. I don’t know why he’s so quick to dismiss the family, so quick to hide away in his own world, but quick to mention his ‘friends’.

 

A little while after I read that email from him, mom called. Wedding chatter as usual, but then she asked if D had thought about having brother be in the wedding party, or do a reading of some sort. I let her know that I’m not sure if I want him in the wedding or if I want him there period and explained to her that his comments messed me all up, and I’m not sure what role I want him to play in my life anymore. She was really hurt and told me to pray about it. That’s the best thing for me to do, and I have been. I know forgiving him and moving on past his comments is what God wants me to do, and I’m working on it.

 

I would love nothing more than to have a normal family for once. I look at D’s family and my friends’ families sometimes and wonder why that can’t be my family. Yeah, they have their issues, but for just once I’d love to know what it feels like to have a real brother/sister relationship. Or to have family that wants to be around each other or at the very least can do a holiday together. I’m broken up because I want to have my family by my side when I take my vows, but I don’t want to deal with tension so thick one could cut it with a knife. The ‘mommy’ in me just wants everyone to be happy and wants to fix it, but…

 

I’m sorry, I just don’t know what to write after that. Get at me in the comment box if you want.

Another La Bella Noire PSA

Ladies, I know it’s almost 85 degrees in the urrrea today and you’re ready to kick off your hot azz sneakers and pumps. But before you put on a flip flop, sandal, or peep toe shoe, please use this:

 

 

Or this:

 

 

Or even this:

 

 

Just be kind to your feet, and to the rest of us and moisturize your situation. Your feet, and the rest of us, will be grateful. 

 

That is all, thank you

 

 

Tuesday Randoms

More of the random mess that’s run across my mind:

 

-Where does the old people smell come from? D and I went to an antique furniture store a while back and the whole place smelled geriatric. I know that sounds bad, but almost every elderly person’s home I’ve been in has a distinct smell. Like babies have a smell, so do some people over a certain age, I guess. Old mothballs maybe? I guess that smell permeated the wood of the furniture?

 

-Why is all black music gangsta rap? I was listening to the Ch.ris Br.ow.n CD at work when one of my co-workers came around groaning about how she doesn’t like that gangsta rap music I was listening too and if I could turn the volume down. Mind you I have my own office with a door and keep my music at a level where I can barely hear it sometimes. She did the same thing when I was listening to Yolanda Adams. Seriously, gospel music = gangsta rap now? *le sigh*

 

-Is the car wash really the new spot to pick up ladies? I was in line waiting for a car wash when ol’ greasy cashier guy came up to my car to find out which type of wash I wanted and he said, “Hmm, why aint yo’ man here getting yo’ car washed? Don’t he know that’s man’s work? If I was yo’ man you know your car would stay clean.” Ummmm, sit yo soapy azz down somewhere okay!?

 

-Why are 13 year old girls walking around looking extra-grown lately? I was chatting up some woman in front of me in line at Seph.ora and was horrified to find out she was only 14. No need for her to be looking older than me.

 

-Since the price of food, gas, etc is going up does that mean we’re supposed to increase the pizza guy’s tip?

 

-I stopped getting manicures and pedicures as often and the girl at the nail shop was like, “You shouldn’t do that. At least if you go broke, your nails will look good. I give you a discount today” LMAO

 

-One of my girlfriends who is getting married in a few months came to me 2 weeks ago and asked me, “Tasha, how do you cook? I’ve never had to, so I don’t know how” Oh no.  She’s 31.

 

-I fell off the treadmill at the gym last week, cuz I sneezed and lost balance. I still haven’t got the nerve up to go back. Thank goodness I go late at night though so not many people were there.

 

-My office is on the basement level of the building, so I don’t see the sun all day. I feel like a vampire down here.

 

-I’m officially the “don’t mess with her” lady at our apartment complex. I snapped funky at a few kids in front of my building who were loitering in front and being disrespectful when I asked them to move.  “Gimme your phone, is your mama’s phone number in here? I WILL call her and let her know that you’re acting an azz in front of my home.”

I’m just tryin to help YOU out

On my way into the office, there was a woman in front of me who was wearing a skirt. She was carrying a pretty big shoulder bag (like a laptop bag or something) and the bag rubbing up against her while she was walking made her skirt ride up on one side. She was walking like she was unaware, and by the time she took a few more steps and turned a corner, her entire entire right azz cheek was showing–pantyhose, floral drawz, sp.an.x and all. I ran up to her and whispered to her about her situation, cuz I know that if it were me I’d want someone to let me know. She got mad at me and told me that I shouldn’t have been looking at her nether regions. I just told her I thought I’d save her the embarrassment. She wrinkled up her face and uttered a barely audible thank you. Ummmm….ok *makes screwface and walks away from that one*

Anyway, I seem to be the resident therapist with all of my friends. They’re always telling me all their business asking for honest feedback. I don’t mind so much, but I can’t stand when people ask for my honest opinion but get mad when my opinion isn’t what they wanted to hear. I got an email from my homie from college. He was mad because his ex-wife wants him to spend more time with his son, but he feels that he shouldn’t have to do that because he pays $ in child support every two weeks. I told him that is the dumbest thing I ever heard, on his part. $ doesn’t equal time and love. He got mad at that and told me he was going to try and sue her for emotional distress. He said spending time with a kid every few weeks is hard on him. But when I mentioned that she spends damn near 24/7 with their son, he got all offended. Bruh, don’t get mad at me cuz I told your fool azz the truth. Another chick I work with asked for my opinion about her dude. He lives with her, doesn’t have a job, she’s paid off nearly $5500 worth of debt for him, but he insists on having an open relationship and will come home at all kinds of hours of the night. I told her that he’s a piece of dog isht and that he’s using her. She got mad and told me that I don’t want to see anyone happy. Well, if paying some trifling man’s debt is what you call happy, then I want no part of it.

Ummmmm….ok, I was really just trying to help you out but whateva. Don’t come to me when he leaves your broke behind cuz you couldn’t afford to pay his bills anymore. *sigh* If you don’t want the truth, don’t ask me.

Friday Fun Stuff

I know I’m not the only one who went to check their bank account first thing this morning hoping to have my lil xtra from the IRS. But alas, I wasn’t one of the chosen (even though my SSN falls in the range to get paid today). *frown* But I stimulated the economy anyway and bought these:

 

 

 

Me and some girlfriends, the Fab Four as we like to call ourselves, we’re going to an art exhibit that one of our friends is debuting in tonight. I don’t even know the location of the event, but here’s hoping there’s free food and drinks (you can take the girl out of the hood….). Nah really though, it’ll be nice to get away from our usual Friday night chill spot and have an actual girls night out for once. It seems like when we go out there’s always a boyfriend or kid in tow.

 

The rest of the weekend will be spent outside I hope. We’re going to the Caribbean Festival at PGCC on Saturday, and my sister is having a BBQ celebrating my nephew’s high school graduation. I can’t believe that boy is graduating already, it seems like just yesterday he was still in Kindergarten. I guess that means I’m getting old *ahem* I mean they’re getting old. Another one of my nephews is graduating from high school in a few weeks too. This one had the nerve to put gift requests on the party invites though. But not like registering somewhere…I mean this knee-grow actually put a list of stuff he wants, along with where to find them. Example:

 

-Wii, Available at Best Buy, Amazon.com

-iPhone, Available at Cingular, et al

 

He sent his own invites out, and only a few made it out before his mother intercepted and sent more acceptable invites out, without gift requests. She was all embarrassed and mad. Don’t be mad, girl, you raised your son to be greedy like that. Umm hmm, I told you letting that boy get a *slightly used* Lexus truck for his birthday wasn’t smart.

 

Sunday we’re going to see The Color Purple at the Hippodrome in Bmore. I’m not sure what he did, but offering to go to a play must mean it was something bad, LOL.

 

Anyway, hope yall have a great weekend!