Happy Halloween

So it’s Halloween, great! I’m not as big on Halloween as I used to be. I guess this is one of those days that’s really for the kids or for people who work in offices that encourage dressing up and having fun. But since it is Friday and payday, I might put a costume together and head out tonight; we’ll see.

I’m really mad at the parents and kids who want to get a head start on trick or treating. This morning around 7:30 as I was heading out to work I heard *BOOM BOOM BOOM* at the door. I opened the door and saw two boys in costumes and an over-eager looking parent. “Trick or treat!!!”. UMMM, isn’t trick or treating for the evening or has it turned into an all-day event now? Back in the day we definitely saved the candy-hustling for after dinner. I guess they were lucky that I had the candy bowl ready to go otherwise I would have been that mean lady who gives out apples.

Normally, I’d share the Thriller video but it looks like El Youtube is acting up right now so you’ll just have to hear it the other million times it will be played today. So Happy Halloween and have a great weekend.

Mostly Wordless Wednesday

6 more weeks until I get to wear this (these are from my fitting):

and carry these:

and marry this dude right here:

Silence

I hung up the phone and the silence was deafening. My thoughts spun around my head and I felt so small. I was back in the same place I was a year ago.

“We found some abnormalities, and we have to do another biopsy.”

I’m not ready to go through this again. Just about a year ago, I heard those words, and it turned out to be very early cervical cancer—carcinoma in situ. A LEEP procedure later, and it was gone. Yes, it was small and early, but I beat it—my own little personal victory.

Six months later, everything still looked good. Now here I am six months removed from that, and I’m hearing this mess all over again but my doctor has a different level of concern this time. She’s more worried and urgent, but I’m trying not to read too much into that.

I go next week for the biopsy and will have the results soon after. I’m scared, but prayer is keeping me calm.

Weekend Ruminations

-My sister from another mother, L, and I went out with the rest of the girls on Friday and we’re convinced that we’re officially getting old. Between “Damn, remember when we could wear things like that?” and “Girl, I gotta sit down for a minute; dancing in these shoes is making my knees hurt”, we decided that girls’ night in sounds like a better idea for next week, lol.

-I remember drinking for drinking’s sake in college, but some of these chicks are taking it too far. Is it really the cute thing to be throwing up on the sidewalk at the corner of 7^th & H, then doing the sloppy stumble with a bunch of dudes? We saw at least 4 girls do this…all with a bunch of dudes and looking vulnerable as hell. Nothing at all sexy about that.

-Being proud of who you are and how you look is a great thing, whether you’re reppin’ for Team Chunk or Team I-Need-A-Sandwich. However, that pride can get you making a fool out of yourself. We went bowling on Saturday and saw a group of Team Chunk-ettes taking the obligatory ‘these are going on facebo.ok or the ‘space’ pictures every time someone got done tossing their ball down the lane. Ol’ girl kept pulling her shirt down and exposing her tittyballs for these pics. The last time, she pulled too far and out came nipples and destruction. She didn’t rush to fix her malfunction either; instead saying, “Teeeheeeheee, yall know I’m sexaaay”. Jesus, please be a clue, a supportive bra, and a nipple cover.

-Leggings don’t look good on everyone. Especially if you have a body like a gorilla. Nuff said.

-Too many dudes are on that ‘arrogant because I look professional’ steez in DC. If you really are a professional and have your ish together, then you don’t need all that faux swagger. L tried to sit down at the bar and said “excuse me” to some dude and he was like “If you’re interested, don’t be cuz my girl is in the bathroom and was sitting right here”. She wasn’t even thinking about his cornball ass. That’s ugly boo, real ugly.

-If you have to scrunch your toes just so you can walk in your crazy ass stilettos, you need another size. Teetering like a 2-year old doesn’t count as a fierce walk either. Call Ms. Jay from ANTM and get some lessons.

-I saw you spitting your “I’ve got an expensive car and lots of loot” game, so why when we were leaving did I see you get into a Hyund.ai Acce.nt and drive away?

-I can’t stand bad ass teenagers running around trying to act grown. Cussing and fighting don’t make you grown, they make you look stupid.

Laid out!

I’m going between this:

and this:

(yerp, my hair probably looks like that too). I was feeling okay yesterday until around 5:00 when the “your ass will be in bed tomorrow” headache and chills got started. I tried in vain to drug myself up and drink all the tea I could, but whatever this bug is won out. I’m probably sick because of all the money i spent yesterday. I was off so I could be at Motor Vehicles all day…I finally broke down and got Maryland tags for my car. So what I’ve been here almost 3 years, and you’re technically supposed to change within 60 days. But my NY registration was about to expire so I bit the bullet. $520.50 later, I’m all legal. I’m sure spending that much at the MVA did something to my immune system. Anyway, I’ll be in bed for the rest of the day.  Feel free to send soup and cough drops lol.

Learning Process

I posted a while back about making the decision to let my hair go natural, but I’m still in a learning curve with that. Not so much how to take care of my hair–lawd knows there are enough websites, forums, and natural sistas walking around so I don’t have to go far for advice. What I’m still learning is how to find my hair beautiful.

I’ve had some kind of chemical in my hair since I was about 7 years old. Just for Me, Creme of Nature, Dark and Lovely, all of that.  Sure I took a month off here and there to get braids or whatever, but that was usually when I was going on vacation. My hair has always been pretty long too, so I got used to hearing “wow your hair looks soooo nice” whenever I wore it out.

When I moved here, I stopped relaxing my hair. Partially because I didn’t have a stylist here but mostly because I just didn’t want to do it anymore. I was running back and forth to NY damn near every weekend so I could have gotten my hair straightened back home with no problem. However, I found my aesthetic to be changing. I still had love for the straight hairstyles (and I still do, so no flames please), but the natural look just sparked my interest. Really, everything natural began to spark my intrest–just living a natural life true to who you are, etc etc–something I’m still working on to this day.

So I let my relaxer grow out. It looked fine for the first 26 weeks or so, then things started to get funky–three different textures going on in my hair. So I weaved it up, braided it up–anything to keep from having my hair just out there like that. Then I made that decision–the natural hair thing was for me. So I fro’ed it out. I loved my fro, and I’m still considering locs. Right now I’ve got cute little twists and I think I might stick with them for a while. But I’m still learning.

When I look in the mirror every now and then I still get a wave of “maybe this isn’t so cute, straight hair looks better”, even with the comments about how fresh I look without a doobie, and even with D’s strong affinity for running his hair through my twists. But then I look again, and I see myself exactly how I’m supposed to be right now and I love it. It’s a struggle some days. I don’t always like how I look without a relaxer, but I’m learning to love it. I know not everyone is supportive of my hair journey but frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.

The wedding is in 55 days, and I’ll probably go the weave route only because I’ll be headed for Jamaica two days later and don’t want to be bothered with trying to maintain a blowout while I’m away. I also just like how certain hairstyles look with a veil. When I get back, I’ll be in the shop getting some kind of twists or something.

I’m learning more in this process than I could in any book about hair and about myself. I know I’m still only in the beginning of this journey, but I’m enjoying every minute of it so far. It feels good to be able to finally say something like that.

Moons Over Maryland

Dear across the way neighbor,

You know when you’re on your balcony and I’m on mine we can see each other across the parking lot, right? Did you ever stop to think that I can see in your place when your blinds are open? I know it’s really convenient to have your sliding door go directly from your living room to your balcony. And I also know that when the weather is good, it’s nice to open your door and blinds to let some air and light in.

But we have a problem. At night I don’t suddenly go blind, but you keep your blinds open and your lights on, so I (and anyone else who has a balcony facing that direction) can see in your place. A lot of us do that, you know, just forget to close the blinds after the sun goes down. But most of us are on our computers or are watching TV or something, so it really doesn’t matter if you can see in. Of course you can’t just do what everyone else does, nooooope. Not you Mr. I wear bikini draws and walk around my living room at night with the lights on and the blinds open.

I like to sit out on the balcony in the evenings and read or have a drink and just chill, but you’ve made that difficult for me. The first time I saw you, I’d just happened to look up from my book and there you were standing in the middle of your living room doing what looked like yoga. You were wearing nothing but a pair of dark bikini draws. In those 2 seconds, you made me want to quit life and burn my corneas with a curling iron. I could see the wrinkles and sag from where I was, and I didn’t even look long. As soon as I registered what I saw, I ran back inside. You traumatized me so I didn’t go back out to the balcony for a week.

When I finally went back out, same thing again. Your ass, your bikini draws, your yoga pose. You saw me this time, but all you did was walk out of the living room. Yes, I watched you that time. The last straw came last week. I was outside cleaning up my balcony and watering the plants around dusk and there you were in your living room, except this time you were wearing a towel.

I’m at a loss with you, sir. I don’t want to report you to the property manager, because you have a right to enjoy your space. But just as you have that right, so do I. And enjoying my space doesn’t include looking at your wrinkled ass in a speedo or bikini underwear or whatever the hell that is you wear. “Don’t look” you could say, but I live right across from you and I like sitting on my balcony. I guess I should be thankful that you keep your man-bits covered, but your show really isn’t attractive. I don’t know if you’re doing a mating dance for one of the other across the way neighbors or if you’re just that stupid not to realize that your blinds are wide open, but can we please come to a compromise?

You don’t see me walking around my living room with my tittyballs flapping in the breeze because I have some self-respect and respect for my neighbors, so could you be ever so kind as to have some respect as well? Close your blinds, turn your lights off, or do whatever it is you do during the day. I hate to be so rude, but your shit is a wrinkly ass hot mess and I don’t want to look at it anymore. I really hope we can get this worked out before it gets cold. I’d really like to enjoy the last few weeks of balcony weather.

Thanks,
Tasha

Runnin’

Maybe instead of being a competitive tap dancer in high school, I should have been on the track team. Last night I was home by myself for most of the evening, since D is working a new godawful schedule. One of my girlfriends came over for dinner, so it was nice to have company for a little while. Once she left, I went about doing laundry and what not–just getting ready for a new work week. Normal Sunday stuff.

Our washer and dryer are in the kitchen, so it’s easy for me to cook and do laundry at the same time. Since I was in the kitchen anyway, I figured I’d make the cake I’ve been promising to bring to work. Great, let’s get our domestic housewifey on. The dryer is one of the lintiest I’ve ever run across–this thing just creates random dryer lint because it can. So there I was mixing my cake batter and in the corner of my eye I see something crawling. I don’t know how many ways I can emphasize this, but I.DON’T.DO.BUGS. Proceed to *scream like a bitch* and run out of the kitchen into the bathroom with mixer in hand (still running…got to love the cordless joint). .5 seconds flat. Cake mix all over the place, all over me. But I’m nosy.

As much as I hate bugs, I realized that I needed to find out what it was so I could figure out the best way to kill it since D wasn’t around to do it for me. There I go, all sneaky–like pretending to be a stealthy ninja was really going to make things any easier. Again, I.DON’T.DO.BUGS. so killing the damn thing wasn’t going to be easy anyway. I turned the light kitchen light off, like that was really going to do something, and used the light from the hallway to show me the way.

*baby step* *baby step* into the kitchen *tiptoe* *tiptoe*…alright, I think I see it’s shadow. I’ll just grab a papertowel and smash the thing into oblivion. I think it’s a spider. *sudden movement from crawly thing*

“Ohshitohshitohshitohshit” seriously, I don’t think I’ve ever moved so fast in my life. I got from the floor and on top of the kitchen table faster than I can blink my eyes. Straight Jamaican track team 100m hurdles skills. I’m sure if I had been on film, I would have exhibited perfect form. Over two chairs and onto the table in one leap without a running start. Mind you I still have my mixer in my hand, and it’s still running and splattering cake batter all over the damn place, and I’m all adrenalined up–just a complete hot ass mess.

I got myself together, turned the mixer off, and was determined to kill the crawly thing. I tried to get off the table, but slipped and landed on the floor kind of hard. When I landed, I exhaled really hard and the crawly thing moved again. I screamed again and tried to scramble up so I could just hurry up and put the damn thing out of its misery, but of course my head met the washing machine and I hit the floor again. The crawly thing moved again. Then it occurred to me…*exhale hard, crawly thing moved again*…it was effin’ dryer lint. Damn.

Final score-
Dryer Lint: 3
Tasha: 0

Honestly Bloggin

Honey Libra bestowed an honest blogger award on me *insert applause here*. Here are the rules:

When you receive the prize you must write a post showing it, together with the name of who has given it to you, and link them back.

Choose a minimum of 7 blogs (or more) that you find brilliant in their content or design.

Show their names and links and leave them a comment informing they were prized with ‘Honest Weblog’. (I’m lazy as hell today yall…hopefully they’ll stop by and read this post and get the idea, I don’t feel like leaving all those comments)

Show a picture of those who awarded you and those you give the prize (optional).

List [if you can and or dare] at least ten honest things about yourself. And then, pass it on.

My seven:

AR Gal

Dream and Hustle

Buppie Chicks

Amethyst Clouds (that lazy thing again…I’m reading, but just haven’t gotten around to adding to my blogroll)

Wonderwoman

Southern Girl

Gunfighter

Ten honest things about me:

1 ) I used to be a Michael Jackson super-stan…back when he was still recognizably human. I collected all kinds of memorabilia, and I own every single Michael jackson, Jackson 5, and The Jacksons album ever released.

2 ) I try to avoid drinking directly out of cups. I’d rather drink out of a straw. Something about drinking right out of the glass makes me get the heebie jeebies and want to reach for the cold sore medication.

3 ) I’ve had sex on the 50 yard line of a football field. When I was a sophomore in college, I ran into my high school boyfriend on a trip back home (we’d been talking here and there throughout the semester) and he still remembered the code to open the fence around the field from when he was on the team.

4 ) I got arrested when I was 19 for grand larceny and spent a night in jail. The charges were dropped after the store surveillance tape was reviewed and proved my innocence.

5 ) Back in high school I lied to get some chick fired because I found out that she had a thing for my dude and was trying to break us up

6 ) My dad taught me how to roll a joe and how to spot bad weed when I was 12 or so. He thought that was an important lesson. I don’t smoke the ganja, but I’ll never forget those lessons

7 ) My mom complains about having been a victim throughout her whole marriage, but she doesn’t know that I know she cheated on my dad more than he cheated on her

8 ) In middle school I wished I was white a few times just so how I looked would match my voice. I got tired of hearing that I sounded like a white girl. Now I get told I sound like “Becky with a little soul”, and it’s cool. I wouldn’t change the color of me for anything.

9 ) I have NO idea how to play checkers. I’ll throw down on a chess board and I’ll even fuck you up in a game of Chinese Checkers,  but put the red and black things in front of me and all hell breaks loose in my mind.

10 ) The name given to me at birth by my dad was Scherezadah. Thank you Lord for my mother’s good sense not to let that fly.

The Name Game

I started writing some long diatribe for today, but I don’t feel like finishing it right now because it’s painful to write. I’m in a good mood and I figured I haven’t done a meme in a while, so I jacked this one from Wonderwoman:

1.Your rock star name (first pet, current car):
Snowball Corolla

2.Your gangsta name (favorite ice cream flavor, favorite type of shoe):
Cookie Dough Stiletto

3.Your Native American name (favorite color, favorite animal):
Red Dog

4.Your soap opera name (your middle name, city where you were born):
Nakia Albany

5.Your Star Wars name (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 of your first name):
Scona

6.Superhero name (2nd favorite color, favorite drink):
Pink Sangria

7.NASCAR name (the first names of your grandfathers):
Beacher Victor

8.Dancer name (the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy):
Cashmere Mist Sour Patch Kid

9.TV weather anchor name (your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter):
Allanson Atlanta

10.Spy name (your favorite season/holiday, flower):
Winter Tulip

11.Cartoon name (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now):
Banana Dress Pants

12.Hippie name (what you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree):
Yogurt Bonsai

13.Movie star name (first pet, first street where you lived):
Snowball Livingston