The cafeteria at my job is nothing more than a glorified carry out. They sell everything from cigarettes to greeting cards to cough drops, and oh yeah you can get your breakfast and lunch there too. All that’s missing is the mumbo sauce. Not being a DC native, I still don’t understand the concept of that stuff, but it’s okay. Some things we’re just not meant to understand.
It seems like in every carry out I’ve been to in this daggone city, none of the employees speak coherent english–and the carryout right downstairs from my plantation (da job) is no exception. This morning, I was in desperate need of breakfast, and a Dunkin Donut was not on my radar screen, so I went to the cafeteria carry out to get a simple egg and cheese omelette. Follow me on this one now…
Me: “Can I get an egg and cheese omelette please?”
Carry Out Lady: “You want a dee om-uh-let wit uh dee cheese-uh?”
Me: “Yes please”
COL: “Ehhh. You want dat with deeee egg-uhs?”
Me: “Pardon me ma’am?”
COL: (with a stank attitude) “You want deee om-uh-let wit deeee egg-uhs?”
Me: “Do I want that with eggs?”
COL: (Rolls eyes) “Yes. You want deee om-uh-let wit eggg-eees?”
Me: “Omelettes are eggs. So yes please”
COL: “Ok, you get dat. Five minutes”
I waited the five minutes, and she handed me my food. I didn’t bother to look at it since the place was packed and I figured maybe she didn’t understand when I said omelette. Maybe she thought I said barbeque or Amish Pretzels or something. Simple language breakdown I figured.
I brought the food back to my office, and got ready to dig in. When I opened the lid, I saw a Sausage-Biscuit-Grits McMess with NO EGGS OR CHEESE staring in my face just waiting for me to eat it. I was hungry as all get out, but couldn’t do it. So I brought it back to the carry out thinking they mixed my order up with someone elses. When I asked the head cook about it, she looked at it and told me that the biscuity grits snausages thing was an omelette special. I asked her where the eggs are and she said….”Ohhh, you wanted an egg and cheese egg pocket. This is omelette here. Egg pocket is what you want. Next time you order that, and don’t say omelette”
I was too hungry to raise hell this morning, so I just said fine. Give me an egg pocket with cheese. But really, what the hell? Since when does Omelette mean McMeat Mess? Finally I got my correct food, but it wasn’t as yummy as I’d hoped it would be. Shaaaaame.
I forgot my lunch at home today, maybe I should try the carry out. Naww, I think I’ll just eat Taco Hell. At least they get your order right, even if they do try to E. coli you to death.