More Conversations with La Bella Mama

My mom is coming to visit this weekend and I’m so happy since I haven’t seen her since Christmas. Normally she Fed.Ex’s me cookies in between my visits back home (call me a mama’s girl, I don’t care!), but she’s been slacking lately so she told me that she’d make me some when she gets here. Yay for moms! (Yeah I said it, and what!?

My mom is just as crazy as the day is long, and of course she always manages to find some way to get on the topic of my dating life.

Mama: “So, this PoliceBoy character…He’s a real cop, right?”

Me: “Yes ma’am”

Mama: “So did he graduate from the police academy or did he go to one of those schools that advertise during the daytime talkshows offering a ‘Degree in Law Enforcement’?”

Me: “Mom. He’s a real cop. Police Academy and all”

Mama: “Okay, cuz I can’t have you dating some substandard wanna be Sgt. Hightower (from the Police Academy Movies if you don’t know)”

Me: “Stop playin, were not at the dating point though”

Mama: “I’m serious baby. What if some shit pops off? A real cop can handle that,but some wanna be though…what’s he gonna do but blow a whistle and shake a flashlight while you whoop the person’s ass?”

Me: “You are a mess!”

Mama: “Since you’re not dating, which I recommend–since he has a GOOD JOB *ahem*, unlike that fool that called here lookin for you a while back even though he knows damn well you moved to Maryland–can I borrow him?”

Me: “For what? You’re married. What about (step)daddy?”

Mama: “Not for that sweetie. I’m gonna need a cop around for when I get ready to shank your uncle. That man STILL hasn’t paid me back yet”

Me: “You? Shank Uncle B.?”

Mama: “I have to keep it gully too. Negro owes me money.”

Me: “MOM! Where are you getting these words? Shank, gully…where have you been hanging out lately?”

Mama: “What, you thought just because I’m old I can’t keep up?”

Me: “You are too much. I’ll be at the airport to pick you up later ok?”

Mama: “Ok baby, see you later”

I understand now where I got my crazy outlook on life from. This is going to be an interesting weekend…


9 thoughts on “More Conversations with La Bella Mama

  1. Aww man, the day my mom starts using the words “shank” and “gully” is the day I officially give up and join the seminary.

  2. @aulelia: she’s so funny, gotta love it

    @GF: Really, you’re not missing anything by not knowing about that word

    @emptyheart: When I heard her say that I almost said “I quit this bitch, sign me up for the nunnery”

    @big_ray: I’m sure she has a staff of hitwomen, so if you can’t get her, she’ll recommend you to someone

    @Field: She made some this weekend! I’ll have to save you a few slices

    @akilah: She’s already talking about starting a weekly advice column blog. I’m afraid, very afraid. But I’m sure she’d make a fortune.

  3. hilarious. my mom uses odd words too. i’m like you don’t even have cable, where do you hear this stuff???? hilarious. my dad always tries to get me to teach him the latest dances. dad… please… you’re 60… you can’t do any of this in public.

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