Hey yall, I know I haven’t posted much this week, but I’ve been in thought a lot. This week, I’m questioning the order of the world and how a lot of things work. Thanks for your suggestions on how to deal with my friend who’s trying to cope with making her own decisions in this life. I talked to her tonight, and she’s agreed to come with me to talk to a counselor. I think that’s the right decision for her.
Tonight I also had a looooong conversation with La Bella Mama, and I’m once again at a loss. She’s a nurse that spent 28 years working in Labor and Delivery, and she currently works at a women’s clinic, so she knows a thing or two about babies, pregnant women, and motherhood, and she has seen her fair share of strange shat in her day. She told me tonight about a case she was presented with and I was surprised to hear that it’s not the first time she’s dealt with this situation.
She told me that in her exam room, she met with a young woman who was pregnant and confused. I’ve heard these stories many times before, so I expected to hear something about a triflin baby daddy or whatever have you, but that wasn’t the case.
Bella Mama: “She was too young to be in there”
Me: “You see teenage mothers all the time, mom. How young was she”
Mama: “She’s not a teenager yet. She’s EIGHT years old.”
Me: “You mean 18 or 28 right??? RIGHT!?”
Mama: “No. She’s 8. Like still plays with Barbie and Ken 8. Like you should still be thinking boys have cooties 8. Playing double dutch in the park 8”
Me: “……No. Mom. No….”
Mama: “Yeah, and her mother was in the room telling her that she needed to go through with this pregnancy and raise this child. Adoption or abortion were out of the question”
Oh.My.Frigggin.Goodness.
Me: “Madre. How old is the dad?”
Mama: “You don’t want to know”
Me: “How bad? 13? 15?”
Mama: “No sweetie. Older than you.”
Me: “The fuck? Sorry for my language, but just how old?”
Mama: “27. Yeah. I’m sick over this, but it’s not the first time I’ve seen it. I delivered the baby of a 9 year old just before I left the hospital. And no, the mother doesn’t want to press charges on him. She’s okay with it. The poor girl doesn’t really understand what’s happening to her body right now”
I was speechless for a good 2 minutes. My mind went all over the map when I finally was able to regroup and think again. That poor girl is a baby. With a baby. Not the Tupac version of “Brenda’s Got A Baby” either. She probably still smells like breast milk and baby dolls and Easy Bake Ovens. Her world is still scented with Johnson and Johnson baby lotion and No More Tears Shampoo. That’s no place for another human life to grow.
My first thoughts were how sad it is that an eight year old is dealing with periods and tampons. I don’t know what we’re feeding our youngins, but their becoming adults in the biological sense all too early. I see girls walking around with womens’ bodies, and they don’t know how to deal with that. I’m an entire generation older than some of these girls, and there are days when I’m frustrated with my own body, so I can’t imagine being in third or fourth grade trying to deal with my womanhood.
Of course my thoughts went straight to the dad. What kind of man does this to a child? And more importantly, what mother lets this happen to her baby and sits there like it’s okay? The clinic has to respect the wishes of the family, they are not in a position of “duty to report” to law enforcement, because they haven’t seen the father so they don’t know if he’s truly that age. I don’t know if this is a case of incest, rape, or what else. But I’m so sick. Just fuckin sick.
What the hell are we teaching our baby girls? BET and everything else on TV and radio has some influence, but a parent’s guidance means more. We’re setting our little girls up for failure with no hope of redemption in many cases. Too many girls learn that their body is a dick dumping ground instead of learning that their body is to be cherished and shared only with a special person. I’ve spent sooo much time with the girls I teach dance to and the girls I mentor, and I’ve learned that many of them think that sex equals love because their mothers, aunts, and other women in their lives don’t know any better. I try to teach them to recognize when they are ready for the emotional responsibility that comes with being sexually active, and to recognize when a man wants sex or when he wants more.
I have so much hope for our young people, especially our girls. But I hate seeing the span between generations going from 30 years to 8 years. The world is making our babies into adults too soon. I wish I could teach them all that motherhood is no joke. Babies are real people, not a doll that can be put in the toybox at the end of the day. UGGGG, I’m so sick, I’m in tears.
Hunny and I have been talking a lot about babies, and how we plan to raise ours (NO, I am NOT expecting, so get that out ya mind!), and frankly I’m terrified of what the world will be like when we do have kids.
To the little girl in my mom’s exam room (even though I know she’ll probably never read this): You are a precious human being. It’s scary what’s going on right now, but trust in your heart that you have people praying for you.
Get at me in the comments.
~Tasha
This & That With La Bella Noire 
I think I’m going to be sick. 8 years old, pregnant by a 27 year old MAN? If I was the girls father, that man would be strung up by his ball sack with a bullet to his head.
The over-sexualization of black women and black girls has been one of our biggest cultural cancers, and people’s attitudes of blaming the victim will be our downfall. I can’t even listen to R. Kelly anymore without feeling disgusted. And even more disgusted when people attempt to defend his behavior. Some of us are so lost.
You are right about wondering what is in our food. I wrote about it in my blog when I subbed for an 8th grade class, and some of those kids looked almost as old as I do.
Oh, and by the way, I don’t agree with the mother letting that child make her take care of a baby, when the girl is a baby herself.
Whoa. Honestly I am typically against abortion but in this case… I dont understand how a grown man can see an 8 year old and have the result be a pregnancy, how can a mother not be barking and shouting at the cops or standing over this man’s lifeless body? This is baffling.
This story is indeed sad but babies having babies is not uncommon now a days.
Part of me wonders the situation behind all this. Not to fault the girl cuz I don’t know the story, but there are some fass in the tail little girls out there and they don’t look as young as they are.
I went to a volleyball tournament recently filled with girls 15 and under and you couldn’t tell it just by looking at most of them. It’s scary.
Part of the problem is the societys new thing that bigger is better. Farmers and producers are injecting our animals with growth hormones so we can get more meat in out packages. We eat and feed our children this stuff and where do you think the growth hormones go?
Anyways, children having periods at early ages or even having children young is nothing new. My grandmother started her period at 8 and had her first child very early in life, but back then most my fam and them were married at 16 and had adult responsiblities.
I just typed this long comment and it didn’t take! UGH.
Basically, growth hormone that is being injected into our animals is hurting us and advancing the growth of our children.
I wish I knew the whole story, granted a 27 year old should have known the girl wasn’t 18+ and more likely than not know he was wrong, but again there are some really fast in the tail girls out there.
Being a young parent is nothing new. My grandmother and her sisters and brothers all had kids very very very early in life, but they were also married and took on adult responsiblities.
That breaks my heart. She probably didn’t learn any self-value in her home because the mother doesn’t seem to be concerned with the fact that a 27-YEAR-OLD MAN got her daughter pregnant and doesn’t want to press charges. If I were the mother, not only would I press charges but I’d press my size 9 foot right up his ass.
Girl, I am so sick to my stomach right now, I don’t even know where to begin!!! First of all, he is 19 years older than this child! 19 years!!! Does it make it any better that she’s eight!? What if she had been THREE and they found out he was fucking he when he was 22!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh Lord have mercy on my soul! This is just too much for me. Girl, you gonna make me have to take the rest of the day off and go lay down! This is just too much.
We have got to do better in this country and in Black America. Children just don’t get a fair shake in this country, you hear me!? Sick! Sick! Sick!
Please tell me this is an April Fools joke. that babies are not having babies?
Oh my! My heart aches for this little girl! 8 years old and PREGNANT by a 27 year old????? I started my period when I was 9 years old and I had no idea what to do. I stayed home from school that day and my mom and I had a LONG talk about what was happening with my body. That 8 year old baby doesn’t deserve to have this happen to her. This is so hard for me to comprehend.
why is the black mother of this black child not enraged?
there is something up with how some black women are comfortable with their daughters continuing a cycle too early parenthood.
(I know other races do this too but I’m not concerned about them now.)
there is a major problem and black women need to face up to it and be honest about it and
try to fix it.
i.e. if you know someone that dTEWTEW$$%^%^$@^%
is raising a child you know or are related to, say something.
DAMN. DAMN. DAMN.
Never mind all of the sentiment here… that child molester must be found and eliminated immediately.
No talking
No discussing
a VERY fast bullet and anonymous burial.
LAWD.. say it ain’t so Tash.. say it ain’t so!!!!!!
WHAT IN DA HELL???? 8 yrs old?? I mean I know I was young when I got mine.. hell my daughter started young too.. BUT AIN’T NO SEX HAPPENIN ROUND DESE PARTS!!!!
the MOTHER should get her ass whopped.. THE BABY DADDY.. da hell he was thinking?? 27 with an 8 yr old??? 😦 makes me want to make an ANONYMOUS call to the damn police or BCW (child services for the non ny folks).. gawd.. oooh I’m sick..
Lemme go and hug my daughter and tell her I LOVE HER.. this is just sad!
Whoa. That is truly disturbing. The mother should be slapped for not pressing charges and for encouraging her child to have a baby. The man should be knocked the hell out and locked the hell up. And that girl needs some counseling and positive influences in her life. Very sad indeed.