Hey yall, I know I haven’t posted much this week, but I’ve been in thought a lot. This week, I’m questioning the order of the world and how a lot of things work. Thanks for your suggestions on how to deal with my friend who’s trying to cope with making her own decisions in this life. I talked to her tonight, and she’s agreed to come with me to talk to a counselor. I think that’s the right decision for her.
Tonight I also had a looooong conversation with La Bella Mama, and I’m once again at a loss. She’s a nurse that spent 28 years working in Labor and Delivery, and she currently works at a women’s clinic, so she knows a thing or two about babies, pregnant women, and motherhood, and she has seen her fair share of strange shat in her day. She told me tonight about a case she was presented with and I was surprised to hear that it’s not the first time she’s dealt with this situation.
She told me that in her exam room, she met with a young woman who was pregnant and confused. I’ve heard these stories many times before, so I expected to hear something about a triflin baby daddy or whatever have you, but that wasn’t the case.
Bella Mama: “She was too young to be in there”
Me: “You see teenage mothers all the time, mom. How young was she”
Mama: “She’s not a teenager yet. She’s EIGHT years old.”
Me: “You mean 18 or 28 right??? RIGHT!?”
Mama: “No. She’s 8. Like still plays with Barbie and Ken 8. Like you should still be thinking boys have cooties 8. Playing double dutch in the park 8”
Me: “……No. Mom. No….”
Mama: “Yeah, and her mother was in the room telling her that she needed to go through with this pregnancy and raise this child. Adoption or abortion were out of the question”
Me: “Madre. How old is the dad?”
Mama: “You don’t want to know”
Me: “How bad? 13? 15?”
Mama: “No sweetie. Older than you.”
Me: “The fuck? Sorry for my language, but just how old?”
Mama: “27. Yeah. I’m sick over this, but it’s not the first time I’ve seen it. I delivered the baby of a 9 year old just before I left the hospital. And no, the mother doesn’t want to press charges on him. She’s okay with it. The poor girl doesn’t really understand what’s happening to her body right now”
I was speechless for a good 2 minutes. My mind went all over the map when I finally was able to regroup and think again. That poor girl is a baby. With a baby. Not the Tupac version of “Brenda’s Got A Baby” either. She probably still smells like breast milk and baby dolls and Easy Bake Ovens. Her world is still scented with Johnson and Johnson baby lotion and No More Tears Shampoo. That’s no place for another human life to grow.
My first thoughts were how sad it is that an eight year old is dealing with periods and tampons. I don’t know what we’re feeding our youngins, but their becoming adults in the biological sense all too early. I see girls walking around with womens’ bodies, and they don’t know how to deal with that. I’m an entire generation older than some of these girls, and there are days when I’m frustrated with my own body, so I can’t imagine being in third or fourth grade trying to deal with my womanhood.
Of course my thoughts went straight to the dad. What kind of man does this to a child? And more importantly, what mother lets this happen to her baby and sits there like it’s okay? The clinic has to respect the wishes of the family, they are not in a position of “duty to report” to law enforcement, because they haven’t seen the father so they don’t know if he’s truly that age. I don’t know if this is a case of incest, rape, or what else. But I’m so sick. Just fuckin sick.
What the hell are we teaching our baby girls? BET and everything else on TV and radio has some influence, but a parent’s guidance means more. We’re setting our little girls up for failure with no hope of redemption in many cases. Too many girls learn that their body is a dick dumping ground instead of learning that their body is to be cherished and shared only with a special person. I’ve spent sooo much time with the girls I teach dance to and the girls I mentor, and I’ve learned that many of them think that sex equals love because their mothers, aunts, and other women in their lives don’t know any better. I try to teach them to recognize when they are ready for the emotional responsibility that comes with being sexually active, and to recognize when a man wants sex or when he wants more.
I have so much hope for our young people, especially our girls. But I hate seeing the span between generations going from 30 years to 8 years. The world is making our babies into adults too soon. I wish I could teach them all that motherhood is no joke. Babies are real people, not a doll that can be put in the toybox at the end of the day. UGGGG, I’m so sick, I’m in tears.
Hunny and I have been talking a lot about babies, and how we plan to raise ours (NO, I am NOT expecting, so get that out ya mind!), and frankly I’m terrified of what the world will be like when we do have kids.
To the little girl in my mom’s exam room (even though I know she’ll probably never read this): You are a precious human being. It’s scary what’s going on right now, but trust in your heart that you have people praying for you.
Get at me in the comments.