Open Letter to My Co-Workers

Dear Co-Workers,

It’s been very nerve-racking interesting working with you all. Most of you are really great people and seem like you’re on a good career and personal path. Much respect to you. However, some of you act like you don’t know your own ass from a hole in the wall. Please, take what I’m going to say and consider it carefully because I’m not the only one thinking these things, I’m just the only one to call you out. Trust me, this is done with the best of intentions.

Ms. Too Cute, you need to revamp your approach to everything. No one gives a good gotdamn that you’re lightskinned. Half black and half Puerto Rican. Good for you. I’m glad you are self confident, but you don’t need to rip other people apart to boost your own self esteem. To be quite honest, you’re really not that cute. Men only talk to you because your ass is wider than your body and you force it into clothing that’s unnecessarily tight. Doing so causes your posterior to look like a painfully bloated stuffed sausage. I’ve actually heard the dudes at work talk TERRIBLE about you because you’ve f**ked so many of them. One even said, “Damn, she has the worst hook nose I’ve ever seen and she has a witch wart on it. Not sexy. I only fucked her because she’s lightskinned with a big booty and it was easy game”. Ma, set a better example for your young daughter.

Ghettorella, girrrrl. I can’t believe your man cheated on you with your mama. That’s so triflin. I know you didn’t tell me any of that, but I heard your conversations because you talk so.damn.loud. I can hear everything you talk about down to what you’re going to do to your boo when you get home. And the gum popping. *sigh*. And the hotplate you brought in to warm up your greens for lunch, that was just pushing it over the edge. You know it doesn’t have to be this way right? Black people can, and continue to do better every day. You can escape the ghetto mentality and be free. Take a class or two and maybe you won’t struggle with your data entry skills anymore and be able to move up the corporate ladder so you can provide for your 5 kids.

Holly Roller, I’mma need you to stop preaching at people that way. You can’t just be telling everyone that they’re going to hell because they did something you don’t like. Don’t tell me I’m living in sin because I engage in *monogamous* premarital sex and live with my guy when you stepped out on your husband and f**ked your pastor. Oh oh oh, AND you got pregnant by said pastor and had an abortion? Yeah girl, I heard about you. I know some of your people outside of work and they let me know ’bout you. And the scripture says “Jesus Wept” not “Jesus Had Cried”. I don’t care which translation of the Good Book you look in.

The rest of yall, grow the hell up. We are grown azz people forced to work together. There really is no reason to hate on people because they have nicer shoes than you or because she chose to dress up that day. The talking about people supposedly behind their back is not attractive. It makes you look like you’re stuck in 7th grade. Get over yourselves. I don’t like you because you act younger than my niece in Kindergarten, not because you have long hair. Don’t take it there with me. It’s a cubicle plantation, not the club. Please dress accordingly. The muffin top hanging over the waistband of your pants is interfering with my ability to eat my real muffin. Cover that shyt up.

Everyday showers are mandatory. If you think you stink, you do. Just shower either before you go to bed or when you get up in the morning. It’s not that hard. Four little sylables can help you out: De-od-or-ant.

Supervisors are supposed to be there to supervise, not have sex with their subordinates at lunch. That’s all I can say about that.

Again, co-workers you make my professional life more interesting than I ever thought possible. It is my hope that we can overcome these little difficulties and have a fruitful working relationship.




13 thoughts on “Open Letter to My Co-Workers

  1. Hey I care that Ms. Too Cute, is half n half I could be her choco-papi. Lemme rip her apart like a chalupa from taco bell baby, and ull be seeing her crawl to work. AND DAMN A WIDE ASS 2, U KNOW WHAT THEY SAY BABY GOT BACK. Doing so causes my mandinko frontierior to flex like Tyreese. “I’ve actually heard the dudes at work talk TERRIBLE about you because you’ve f**ked so many of them” I talked about her too and I hadnt had none of the tub. Oh damn and a hook nose? Okay I’ll tell u what if I ever do, ill just turn out the lights or put a paper bag over her face and pretend she was Toccara. BUT I BETTER HEAR HER CALL ME PAPI…..lmfao
    “Ghettorella, girrrrl. I can’t believe your man cheated on you with your mama”- That’s some Jerry Springer shit right there. Wanted to have her pussy and her momma’s too. I bet her momma probably fucked better, MILF MILF MILF MILF LOL. She couldn’t fuck with me, you know how mean I can be. I bet she would be the type (missing teeth, corn rows, telling me I have to pay to bone). SORRY I DON’T GIVE WELFARE CHECKS!!!!
    Tell this Holly Roller bitch that if pre-marital sex is wrong, THEN I DON’T WANNA BE RIGHT. I had a girlfriend who used to do that shit to me, I tortured myself b/c I didn’t get none for 9 months. I was tempted to do my thang but didn’t. Now her stupid ass has a kid and aint married, and I don’t haaa DUMB FUCKER.
    “Everyday showers are mandatory”- For some of yall, you stink so bad you just need to go to the car wash. They probably so damn ashy that they need motor oil, b/c regular lotion wont do it.

    AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, Supervisors are supervising. THEY ARE SUPERVISING HOW MUCH THEY CAN GET. Are there any fly ass supervisor women there? *CHEESE*

  2. Daaaaaaaaaaamn. Your job sounds crazy. My job is completely boring in comparison.

    I hate hypocrisy. That holly roller needs to just stop. She had an affair with her pastor and aborted the baby? She needs to shut up. Now.

  3. Damn Girl, how did you know the people I work with? You’re a genius, I couldn’t come up with something this good if I tried! LOL

  4. @ Ray: calm down. Breeeeaaathe. It’s gonna be alright. You don’t want the chicks at this place, trust.

    @ Miz JJ: The hypocrisy is unreal. I can’t stand it either, but when you tell her that she’s wrong she wants to get all offended and cry about it.

    @ Erica C.: I think these people pull double shifts and work at your job too, lol.

    @ Ladynay: Entertaining isn’t quite the word. Some days I’m tempted to bring in some popcorn and just watch them. It’s better than TV

    @ Jameil: I’m trying to hold it down for the normal, drama free sistas. I’m all over monster right now though, best believe that!

  5. Ghettorella..LMAO!

    Your coworker posts always have me cracking up. I wish I could spend just one day at your job.

  6. LOL…OH MY GOODNESS… that was WONDERFUL… can you PLEASE print it out and put it throughout the office…lol… THEY NEED TO KNOW.

  7. Those people are disgusting. First a curling iron in the bathroom with a note and now a hot plate?! Ghetto with no damn class.

    I really hope you can eventually move on to greener pastures. You’re better than those clowns you deal with.

  8. AHHH AHAHA..why does Holy Roller sound like this chic my roomie use to work with WOW…crazy

    I hate loud talking coworkers…then they act surprised when you know their business….

  9. Well, at my job we have a microwave, but Im trying to stay from that radioactive machine, so the hot plate thing is lookin kinda good to me!
    Im about to write a post about my experiences at my new job…man I wish folks could “…all just get along.”

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