Monday Randoms…

The random rant-type ish on my mind this morning….

-I have a foul mouth today, my apologies in advance.

-It’s about to be on like Donkey Kong in this office plantation place today. This girl who rubs me ALL kinds of wrong is back from maternity leave today. Who the f**k only takes 2 weeks because they LOVE their job (which they swear up and down they’re over qualified for)?? And they moved her seat right over next to my cubicle. My co workers know that I will walk out this bitch if she says something wrong to me. Her and I, as well as her and several other co-workers have had som nasty run ins. Jesus, take the wheel.

-Why does my “big boss” insist upon calling me Tashie? I hate that shyt and I’ve already corrected her a bunch of times. Tashie? Seriously, WTF is a Tashie?? That sounds like a Poke.m.on character. Tashie and Pika-damn-chu. Cute, right? I’m a grown azz woman, don’t call me something you’d call your 4 year old child.

-The weekend is two days long. Every week. Saturday and Sunday. That’s just how it is. 52 weekends a year, all have 2 days. We all know this. So there is no reason for you to come up in the office like you do EVERY damn Monday and say…”Ugh. I wish the weekend were longer!”

-It’s not okay to go to the BBQ place and order 2 slabs of ribs, mac and cheese, and some BBQ chicken for yourself when you weigh 400+ lbs. Me and D went to a yummy BBQ place on Saturday and we saw a bunch of XXXXL people eating large plates of ribs and one was sitting on 2 chairs because she could not fit on one. Go ahead and get your grub on, but at some point you gotta re-evaluate your food choices or at least how much of it goes in your mouth. I’m not trying to be mean, I’m just trying to help you stay alive bruh.

-Family is the worst to lend money to. I loaned my niece $500 in December. She was supposed to pay it back this weekend, but came up with some sob story about how she had to buy a tire for her man’s car. UMMMM, riiiiiight. That’s why you have a brand new Ka.te Sp.ade bag on your shoulder. Next up on the People’s Court…

-Ex-girlfriend…stop emailing my dude. I really don’t care if you’re friends and still close with the family. It makes me uncomfortable. Yeah I said it. I tried to stifle it, because I know that there’s nothing going on (and I have spies EVERYWHERE…yes honey, even at your job). But the fact that you feel the need to contact him that often bothers the hell out of me. Oh and stop trying to be a f**king hero to everyone, and be one to yourself and do yourself a favor. Pamper yourself. Treat yourself to something nice. People don’t appreciate someone who’s always got something to prove. You have a GREAT job and a GREAT family. Be proud. You’ve already proven enough. And please, let him go. One of yall needs to respect MY feelings in this and cut the umbilical cord.

-So R. Kelly finally got a trial date. Let’s see how that shit plays out.

-It’s 10AM and I need a drink. I see what kind of week this is going to be.

-You are not my mama. Bitch, I am a grown ass woman. DO not, and I repeat DO NOT tell me how to live my life when your shit is the most fucked up, foul azz, convoluted shit in the world. I may be young, but I am far far from ignorant. I have seen and done more stuff in my 24 and a half years than you will EVER do in the rest of your rusty azz days. Bacdafuccup heifer.

-You triflin azz piece of woman. YOU are the reason why you can’t get ahead in life. The hard work it takes to get promoted and move up the corporate ranks doesn’t involve being on your knees or on your back. Yeah, you got the supervisor position because you put in that work, but you lost the position two months later because we all saw how much of a piss poor leader you are.

-Maryland and New Jersey, please revamp your driver’s license requirements. You keep spitting out drivers that really can’t hold their own on the road.

-You can’t get a good man because you are a piece of shit woman. You put your pussy needs ahead of your children and let them suffer so you could “get yours”. NO man wants to be associated with that for the long haul. Please get to talking to Jesus ASAP.

-Bed, how I long to be with you this morning. It was a harsh break up this morning, I know with the alarm clock blaring and my scared azz jumping up like a fool. I promise, it’ll be better next time…

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14 thoughts on “Monday Randoms…

  1. A two week maternity leave?! That’s not even half of the time the old folks say you are supposed to stay in the house to get “healed up”. I don’t care if I did love my job, ya’ll still wouldn’t see me until my paid time off had passed. lol

    Now I want some ribs.

    Not the case of the ex. You need to borrow my shank?

  2. @ BK, girl these people got me feeling salty as hell today!!

    @ AR, lemme give you my address. That shank might come in handy.

  3. Tasha girl….whew….I needed to read all of that today. HILARIOUS!!!

    I hope you feel better now. And damn if I don’t want some ribs!!!!

  4. AHHHHHHHH LOL

    WOW

    Home girl sittin on two chairs WOW..now she should have known better and I bet she didnt even think nothing was wrong with that…SAD.

    Umm about those emails..I’m gonna need her to leave well enough alone…great

    There are some folks at my job that I just want to say something out the way and it’s ONNNN

    LOL why did I bust out laughing when you said Jesus take the wheel I say that too LOL..Hun be like umm why you want him to take the wheel to which I reply cause I know he will guide me in the right direction if not I’ll be all up someones grill..I tell ya

  5. LOL… girl, I know I shouldn’t be laughing, but that was funny. I’m sorry you’re having a bad day though, but just remember the good stuff.

    The part about the fat people eating all kinds of crap is a hopeless state…they feel like they’re too far gone so why stop now…just like all other addicts…what a shame.

  6. Ummm, do you need me and the hubby to drive from South Carolina and just set the MOFO OFF!!!

    Let’s see, It’s August so this family member had about 8 months to pay you your money and you don’t have it yet???? Automatic ass whippin.

    Ex-Girlfriend, TOTAL BEAT DOWN! this cow knows what she’s doin.

    I hope you have a better day tomorrow Dear Heart!

  7. Loved loved loved the last paragraph!! LOL

    Tell them how you really feel!! hahaha…your potty mouth is excused. šŸ˜‰ I’m certainly no one to judge!

  8. Hey Tasha! Caught you’re snippet in the Express’s Blog Log today! Man, I gotta get you linked up. This entire post is too funny. I hope you’re feeling better!

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