I Am NOT a Cupcake

D and I managed to have a really good weekend, we did date night twice and saw “The Kingdom” (If you like action, go see it. We loved it!!). We also saw the builders, and we’re going over the plans for one townhouse now. I’m so excited to see us actually moving forward with this. *doing happy dance* Can’t wait to flex my interior design muscles, lol.

But while he did whatever it is men do on Saturday mornings, I busied myself with wedding gown shopping. Umm. Let me just say, I.hate.this.with.a.passion. I actually enjoy trying on dresses and crinolines and stuff, but I hate the salespeople that come along with it. See, I say all the time that I’m not a small girl…I’ve lost 60 lbs or so over the last 15 months, but still teetering between plus size and non-plus size. Anyhoo, the salespeople at every wedding store I’ve been to seem to think that because I’m a woman of some size that I want some big azz poofy, tulle-d to hell nightmare of a dress. You know, looking like some abstract Picasso-ized rendition of Cinderella.

I went to four different places on Saturday, and while I was looking at the styles that I like (mostly A-line cut dresses), I was directed toward the “big poof”. The tight bodice with the big azz tulle and netting mess at the bottom. Like this:

If you like that kind of thing, more power to you. But not this chick. Just for kicks and giggles, I tried the dress on at three of the places I went to, and each and every single one of the sales lady said something to the effect of “Aww you look like a little cupcake. How cute! That style looks best for your body type”.

What.the.fugg?! How is saying that I look like a cupcake a good thing? Compliment? Ok, so lemme tell your little skinny knock-kneed behind that you look like a dried-up chicken wing and that you could benefit from eating a sandwich or five. That’s offensive, right? But telling the big girl that she looks like a cupcake isn’t?? Grrr!!! I like wedding cake, but I don’t want to look like one.

I know people have my best intentions or lining their wallets in mind when they “guide” us towar certain wedding items, but I have to wonder if they listen when I tell them what we want. We don’t want some behemoth of a wedding, we want it small and simple; so don’t send us to the behemoth reception location. Parents, friends, and almost everyone that has a pulse who has found out about the impending nuptials say something like, “Well if it were me, I’d do it this way…” or “When me and ol’ fart got married, we did it that way, and I’m sure you all would love it…” or even worse “I’ll call the super expensive azz wedding coordinator that completely fugged up my wedding, and have her call you…”. The best one we’ve heard, “Y’all should go on that ‘Who’s Wedding is it anyway’ show so you can get a free hotel stay”. Just puke. We know D is a veteran, but we don’t want a military wedding, so stop suggesting it. We know we have a lot of friends yet want a very small wedding, so stop suggesting that we have 500 guests. We don’t care about the gifts, we don’t care about the flower arrangements, we just want to be married dammit. And I don’t want to look like a cupcake in the process. *sigh* maybe we should just elope–and we’re thinking about it. Maybe doing the JP, then having a bigger wedding later just so we know we can have the wedding for US, and then make THEM happy later. *sigh* Sorry for the rant yall. Hope you had a good weekend.


16 thoughts on “I Am NOT a Cupcake

  1. Congrats on the coming nuptials. As far as dress shopping goes, you will know the dress when you put it on. Trust me…It will speak to you, and it won’t call you a cupcake. 😉

  2. I’m with you on this one Tasha!

    Gurl I to HATE..hate…H-A-T-E those poofy @ss dresses with a passion and sales-people in general annoy the hell outta me.

    I think you should tell the next saleswoman whose bold enough to say to your face “you look like a cupcake” that she should try eating a few [LOL]

    [SMH] Skinny bitchez are evil!!!

  3. I am soooooo glad that you disliked that dress…when I saw it I was thinking GOD NO! lol

    I definitely plan on eloping…I don’t care about the gifts, flowers and all that other stuff either.


  4. Glad you didn’t like the dress b/c I was looking at it sideways trying to find the good look of it.

    A cupcake? WTF! I’ve never heard anyone being referred as a cupcake.

  5. Shooooot! I didn’t talk to NAIR saleswoman when I was trying on dresses at David’s Bridal. I took 2 of my homegirls and made them go and get me dresses LOL and tell me how fabulous I looked in all of ’em. Ha! But that dayum married is dead and gone…I digress. Girl do what’s gonna make you and yo boo happy. The next time I say “I Do” it will be at the JOP for sure.

  6. I can’t believe that a sales person would think that calling someone a cupcake is appealing. You will know your dress when you see it. As for the wedding..congrats and good luck with that. I always planned on eloping and doing a renewal of vows in 5-10 years. Most folks are so focused on a wedding they arent planning for a marriage. By waiting to the 5-10 year mark I’ll know that we are solid and can afford and plan my big day according to my tastes and not anyone elses.

  7. LMAO at the picture. That woman looks to me to be in pain—a lot of pain. I agree with you, puffy dresses do not like good on any body type. In fact we should put that stuff in a volcano. Good luck on the search:-)

  8. Get outta my head, LOL! I’ve been going back and forth on our soon to be, whenever he decides to propose…and I went from wanting a huge wedding, to wanting a teeny tiny one…and trying to figure out how to tell half the people they AREN’T invited.

    …and I don’t look forward to trying to find a dress. Have you tried finding a picture and then shoving it in the sales people’s face telling them to direct them in the direction of said picture? That’s what I plan on doing. I can’t stand A-line dresses, or big puffy dresses…or sales people.

    Good luck with your planning! I’m sure I’ll have similar rants coming up later on in the months, lol.

  9. Cupcake? SMH. So if you were a stick they would call you what? I mean really she called you a parade float so to speak. Geez.

    I am with ya on the poofy stuff. I like A-line too.

    Good luck on the dress.

  10. girl bein there at the end of my friend’s wedding planning, when it was basically almost over was PLENTY for me. i’ve never wanted to elope so much in my life. my view of my wedding gets smaller every day. cupcake?!?! wrong. JUST WRONG!!

  11. Yee! @ that dress. I think I just threw up…You crack me up with your cynical wedding dress commentary. Maybe you should do like Kid Rock and Pam Anderson and just wear your bathing suits? J/k

    Try browsing online until you find exactly what you want, then bring the images to the stores you are interested in purchasing from. There are plenty of ways to flatter your figure without looking like a buffet…


  12. AGHHHHHHH!!!!!! I thought I was only a week behind!!!! WEDDING?????? OMG, I am sooooooo HAPPY for you!!!!! Congrats!!!!

    Ok, now I can actually go back and read the post now. I just had to say that right away.

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