Happy New Year Yall. Just clearing some mental space…
I’m not usually a big fan of New Year’s. All this ‘New Year New You’ stuff all over the place, making resolutions you know you won’t keep. I’ve always been of the mind that there’s no better time than the present to do better and be better. I can see how some people want to wait for the new year to transition away from old things…more of a mental motivation. I get it, just not for me.
But this year, something is different for me. I can feel change coming in the air. Something is brewing in my world, and I know somethings, some relationships, some of everything in my life will be coming to a crossroads soon. And for that reason, I’m putting in the extra work to make me a better me. There was a lot of old baggage that I’ve carried around for most of my life (a lot of it I didn’t even recognize as baggage anymore, I just counted it as part of me) that I let go of in the last 12-18 months, and that’s made some people uncomfortable. They knew me as the one to grouse with; the company that misery loves so much; the one who has such a fucked up life story that they listen to my story when they want to feel better about their own sorrows. They knew me as the one who they’ve hurt, the one who they’ve made feel lower than dirt. But I’ve forgiven and let it go. I’ve risen up, shaken it off, and seen myself without emotional baggage for the first time since March 1983. That makes them uncomfortable.
They’re uncomfortable because they know that forgiveness means that they’re the ones with the problem now. They have to live every day with the memory of what they put me through. Remorse turns into resentment, which will in turn become anger. I’ve seen it happen that way many times, so I know with me it will be no different. That’s why I know it’s time to make some changes for this new year. Be better, do better, know better. This way, my old baggage won’t become the molehill that would become the mountain.
This year I’m working on me, not just for me but for the people who’ve helped me to find the strength to drop the emotional, mental, and spiritual baggage and just live. I owe it to them to be the best daughter, sister, friend, and wife I can be.
Did any of you make resolutions or vows to make yourself better this year? Get at me in the comment box.