There is a serious problem at hand for the women of the DC metro, and I suspect it’s an issue all over the country. It affects women young and old, of all body shapes and colors. It’s epidemic. The problem I’m referring to: arm tats. I don’t know who gave women the idea getting some design tattooed on a bicep, forearm, or wrist was cute but that person needs to be tarred and feathered. Don’t get me wrong, I have no issue with having tattoos—I’ve got two myself—but most women can’t pull off arm tats well. Especially with formal wear. (For the record my tattoos aren’t visible)
D and I went to a wedding yesterday afternoon (Sunday afternoon during football season. Please believe there was a lot of score checking on cell phones all over the ceremony and reception). It was a perfectly nice affair, decorated beautifully, got started late—all the things you’d expect at a wedding. But as the processional got going, my heart started breaking little by little.
First came groom’s mom in a nice sleeveless gown. Then I look and *BAM*, tat on her left arm. Even mom dukes isn’t immune. *gulp* Umm, okay…maybe she’s trying to tap into her youth. Then came the bridesmaids. *BAM* *BAM* *BAM* tat, tat, tat. Daaaamn! Kids’ names, Chinese characters, tribal “bands”, baby daddy names drawn over to look like something else, just a mess. Thank God the bride’s tattoos are on her legs so she didn’t look amiss. The designs just added an unwelcome hood rat element to the otherwise very classy affair. One girl tried to cover hers up with makeup, but it just ended up looking smudged.
Then the reception got started and the alcohol started flowing. You know how we can get. We get tipsy, we start dancing, then we get hot. You know, the ladies start taking off their jackets and their shoes so they can get loose. I swear, with the removal of every suit jacket came the reveal of yet another arm tat. Some looked better than others, but many looked all faded and old. Word to the wise…if you must hit up the tattoo shop and you’re darker than asphalt, do NOT get an all black tat. That shit will look like a keloid or diseased birthmark after a while. Even the proper church ladies with their big ass hats took off jackets and showed off some ‘artwork’.
This is the conversation that occurred in my head:
Me: “Sister Jones! Is that a prison tat I see?”
Sister Jones: “Yeah girl, you know I’se been through some thangs”
Me: “I understand.”
SJ: “I got another one ‘round my ankle. And another one right here ‘bove my breasteses.”
It really was a nice event, and I’m happy for the newlyweds. But seriously this arm tat thing is getting out of hand. Some people do wear the ‘trend’ well, but most don’t. Sad part is most people get them to be ‘trendy’ and don’t really think past that point. Young girls, old heads, everyone in between trying to be cute…there’s really got to be another way.