Maybe instead of being a competitive tap dancer in high school, I should have been on the track team. Last night I was home by myself for most of the evening, since D is working a new godawful schedule. One of my girlfriends came over for dinner, so it was nice to have company for a little while. Once she left, I went about doing laundry and what not–just getting ready for a new work week. Normal Sunday stuff.
Our washer and dryer are in the kitchen, so it’s easy for me to cook and do laundry at the same time. Since I was in the kitchen anyway, I figured I’d make the cake I’ve been promising to bring to work. Great, let’s get our domestic housewifey on. The dryer is one of the lintiest I’ve ever run across–this thing just creates random dryer lint because it can. So there I was mixing my cake batter and in the corner of my eye I see something crawling. I don’t know how many ways I can emphasize this, but I.DON’T.DO.BUGS. Proceed to *scream like a bitch* and run out of the kitchen into the bathroom with mixer in hand (still running…got to love the cordless joint). .5 seconds flat. Cake mix all over the place, all over me. But I’m nosy.
As much as I hate bugs, I realized that I needed to find out what it was so I could figure out the best way to kill it since D wasn’t around to do it for me. There I go, all sneaky–like pretending to be a stealthy ninja was really going to make things any easier. Again, I.DON’T.DO.BUGS. so killing the damn thing wasn’t going to be easy anyway. I turned the light kitchen light off, like that was really going to do something, and used the light from the hallway to show me the way.
*baby step* *baby step* into the kitchen *tiptoe* *tiptoe*…alright, I think I see it’s shadow. I’ll just grab a papertowel and smash the thing into oblivion. I think it’s a spider. *sudden movement from crawly thing*
“Ohshitohshitohshitohshit” seriously, I don’t think I’ve ever moved so fast in my life. I got from the floor and on top of the kitchen table faster than I can blink my eyes. Straight Jamaican track team 100m hurdles skills. I’m sure if I had been on film, I would have exhibited perfect form. Over two chairs and onto the table in one leap without a running start. Mind you I still have my mixer in my hand, and it’s still running and splattering cake batter all over the damn place, and I’m all adrenalined up–just a complete hot ass mess.
I got myself together, turned the mixer off, and was determined to kill the crawly thing. I tried to get off the table, but slipped and landed on the floor kind of hard. When I landed, I exhaled really hard and the crawly thing moved again. I screamed again and tried to scramble up so I could just hurry up and put the damn thing out of its misery, but of course my head met the washing machine and I hit the floor again. The crawly thing moved again. Then it occurred to me…*exhale hard, crawly thing moved again*…it was effin’ dryer lint. Damn.
Dryer Lint: 3