I posted a while back about making the decision to let my hair go natural, but I’m still in a learning curve with that. Not so much how to take care of my hair–lawd knows there are enough websites, forums, and natural sistas walking around so I don’t have to go far for advice. What I’m still learning is how to find my hair beautiful.
I’ve had some kind of chemical in my hair since I was about 7 years old. Just for Me, Creme of Nature, Dark and Lovely, all of that. Sure I took a month off here and there to get braids or whatever, but that was usually when I was going on vacation. My hair has always been pretty long too, so I got used to hearing “wow your hair looks soooo nice” whenever I wore it out.
When I moved here, I stopped relaxing my hair. Partially because I didn’t have a stylist here but mostly because I just didn’t want to do it anymore. I was running back and forth to NY damn near every weekend so I could have gotten my hair straightened back home with no problem. However, I found my aesthetic to be changing. I still had love for the straight hairstyles (and I still do, so no flames please), but the natural look just sparked my interest. Really, everything natural began to spark my intrest–just living a natural life true to who you are, etc etc–something I’m still working on to this day.
So I let my relaxer grow out. It looked fine for the first 26 weeks or so, then things started to get funky–three different textures going on in my hair. So I weaved it up, braided it up–anything to keep from having my hair just out there like that. Then I made that decision–the natural hair thing was for me. So I fro’ed it out. I loved my fro, and I’m still considering locs. Right now I’ve got cute little twists and I think I might stick with them for a while. But I’m still learning.
When I look in the mirror every now and then I still get a wave of “maybe this isn’t so cute, straight hair looks better”, even with the comments about how fresh I look without a doobie, and even with D’s strong affinity for running his hair through my twists. But then I look again, and I see myself exactly how I’m supposed to be right now and I love it. It’s a struggle some days. I don’t always like how I look without a relaxer, but I’m learning to love it. I know not everyone is supportive of my hair journey but frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.
The wedding is in 55 days, and I’ll probably go the weave route only because I’ll be headed for Jamaica two days later and don’t want to be bothered with trying to maintain a blowout while I’m away. I also just like how certain hairstyles look with a veil. When I get back, I’ll be in the shop getting some kind of twists or something.
I’m learning more in this process than I could in any book about hair and about myself. I know I’m still only in the beginning of this journey, but I’m enjoying every minute of it so far. It feels good to be able to finally say something like that.