I’m here

I know it’s been a minute but I’ve been working on wedding stuff like it’s another job. I knew things would get hectic in the last few weeks, but I really didn’t give the small stuff enough credit. I guess things like making final payments and scheduling cake deliveries and choosing readings really aren’t small things, but whatever. Tenacious…girl, everyone has been working on that one nerve I have left just like you said they would. At this point, if I never look at another florist, cake cutting set, dyeable shoe, or fake flower girl rose petal, I’d be fine. I’ve gotten tired of vendors and nosy people alike always deferring to me when it comes to asking questions about this whole to-do even though D knows as much about it as I do and has put equal amounts of effort into it. It’s sad that people automatically assume that the bride is running the show. I’m the farthest thing from the controlling bridezilla-type that I’m expected to be. The both of us are working on it, and we’re taking things in stride. Hell, D had better put some effort in this ish cuz I wouldn’t be going through all of these changes if it weren’t for him anyway. It wouldn’t be right for him to propose to me and then I run around like a chicken with my head cut off while he sits back with a Heineken watching the whole thing take shape.

This wedding has brought up some bitter feelings between me and family folks and even some of my friends. Some of the fam is like “awwww, wittle Tasha is getting mawwwied. We’ve got to help her be a vision in fluffy white tulle and princess poof”. Please excuse me while I puke. I keep explaining that I’m a grown azz woman and can’t deal with the baby talk and while we want a nice wedding day, it’s only one day and the marriage is far more important. When I explain those things, I get the whole “worry about the wedding, the marriage will handle itself” type of advice. Ummm, how is that working out for you? Oh yeah, you’re on husband #6 (yes 6!) so I guess it’s not. Then they get all angry at me because I’m not walking around having orgasmic princess wedding fantasies. God forbid I care about my marriage in a time when marriage is such a disposable institution.

Then my mom…*sigh*. D and I decided to change the wedding and reception from a stuffy and formal humungous thing (like 275 people humungous) to a really fun, less formal gathering for our closer family and friends (we’re still hovering around 125, but ehh). We don’t care about gifts; we just want to have fun with the people we love, so we didn’t see the point in doing something that’s not our style at all and inviting people we barely know just so we can get more stuff. Well when she caught wind that we made those changes she actually said, “Ohmygod, what will my friends think? You can’t do this!” then mailed us an address book with all of her people’s info and indicated who we were to send an invite or just an announcement to. We explained our reasoning for not wanting to do it her way and she had a hissy fit. The whole time we’ve been planning, she’s acted like helping us is a pain in the ass and barely has given suggestions/opinions. Just very hands off. When I’d ask if she went through the same things we’re going through when she and my stepdad were planning their wedding she’d most always say something to the effect of, “I don’t know. That was nine years ago. My coordinator took care of those things.” That’s even for questions like how do you deal with being nervous and picking what type of bouquet to hold. This isn’t at all how I expected the wedding planning process to be with my mother. I thought we’d be the typical ‘mom is so happy and can’t wait to help and is almost over-involved’ type. When we told her that we’re paying for everything out of pocket/out of special savings and not taking out a loan, she just rolled her eyes and said “well that’s good I guess”. It sits wrong with me that she was trying to demand who we can and cannot invite (to protect/enhance/whatever her image and reputation), but never offered any help above saying “you don’t know what you’re doing allowing D to see your dress before the big day”. She purchased a dress more expensive than mine *falls on floor thinking about that price tag*, even though she’s on a fixed income now and got upset when we toned down the formality. “Well, I’m still going to wear my dress. That’s all that matters”. Hearing that made me cry angry and I couldn’t take it anymore. I finally had that hard talk with her and we’re in a better place now.

Anyway, we’re in the home stretch. Tying up loose ends is so time consuming, booooo. LOL. Oh…anyone in the urrrrrea know of a good makeup artist?


8 thoughts on “I’m here

  1. Hi,

    I’ve been a lurker for a while now(I know, I know). I used to live, work, go to school in the Urrea! LOL. I know of a VERY good makeup artist. Her name is Nikki and she works for MAC. She’s a friend of a friend, but I’ve seen a BUNCH of her work and its beautiful. If you’d like me to get her info for you, jus shoot me an email and I’ll get it to you asap.

  2. Hey Tasha,

    I don’t know a good make-up artist but since you are in the homestretch and nerves are frazzled, let’s go for a latte, chai, whatever so you can relax…i am in the urrea right over the W bridge!

    I hear what you are saying re: your mom. You kow I’m a dime store therapist!..Well an MA in counseling. There could be a few reasons for her behavior. It may just boil down to saddness that you are really “grown”..and if you are grown…what does that say about her? We are complex people and or emotions and how we express them don;t always match up. At least you talked to her and the two of you are in a better place!

  3. The wedding day is about you and D. Do what makes you happy. If people care about you, they’ll just show up and be happy for you. Be easy! 🙂

  4. Oh God. Say it aint so. My mom lives and dies by the “well what will people think of ME based on what YOU do?” mantra. It’s sickening. And at the age of 37, I had a personal crisis with it yesterday and cried like a baby.

    What is it about mothers who want to control the existence of grown azzed daughters?


    Next year, I’ll marry the guy my mom simply hates. We decided to elope to avoid the expense and stress of planning a wedding. We’ve both been married before. He has grown children and I have two boys. Whatever money we spend will be spent enjoying our time alone. Elopement announcements will be sent after we return. LOL

    I wish you the best!

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