I’ve stayed away from blogging for the last week or so not for lack of interest, but because I was wondering if I put too much of myself out there. You know, wondering if I’m too open about my life for such a public forum. I was also wondering if my blog was starting to get too “dark” so to speak.

After my recent posts about my struggles with depression, I got a lot of emails–some disturbing and some not so much. A few were thanking me because they saw themselves in me and decided to try and get some help. For those emails, I’m truly thankful.  A few others were condemming me and explained that no Christian would attempt to take their own life, they’d never have sex before marriage, and a litany of other things that made me in their words “a hideous negress”.

I’m a grown woman so I can handle criticism as it comes (especially in the form of anonymous emails) — after all, that is part of the definition of adulthood, but I did pause for a while. I wondered if I was exposing too much and perhaps opening myself and my family up to something worse than a few raucous anonymous emails. I thought, I discussed with D and my friends, and finally decided to keep on doing what I’m doing. I don’t write about my friends or D without their permission and I’m okay with putting myself out there (to a point).

I truly believe that if anything I write about or go through can help someone or make them happy, then that’s a blessing. Otherwise, it’s my corner of the blogosphere and if you hate it…deuces…if you love it, stay a while. I’m not going anywhere.  My job’s insanity has kept me from posting as frequently as I’d like (and I’m really just too lazy to post from home), but I’m still here. Decision made.


11 thoughts on “Decisions

  1. I absolutely HAAAAATE biatches that always want to point out what a real Christian should and shouldn’t do.  If they are that friggin sanctified, then their Christian azzes should stop reading the thoughts of “a hideous nigress”.  Calling you a “hideous nigress” is actually kind of funny though…who says some stupid shyt like that?  Someone who is clearly ignorant and cruel.  Some would say…that was said by someone who is not as Christian as they think they are, but I won’t go that far. *side eye*

    Anonymous people don’t deserve any of your energy.  Definitely keep doing what you do!

  2. I think we all have struggled with this at some point. How much to share? What should we hold back? How will this affect the people in our lives? They are good questions that, I think, we all face after blogging for a while. I’m glad you’re doing what works for you.

    But ummm… Really? “A hideous negress”???!! WTF? Are we still in the 1800s? And who condemns people, yet continues to read their blog? The nerve!

  3. My second time commenting..and I urge you to ignore those people who want to pull you down in the mud with them. Whatever decisions you make in your life, no one has the right to judge you for them. Instead of realizing the message you conveyed they chose to conjure negatives. Do you. Take care and be blessed.

  4. Please don’t stop posting. I don’t recall how I first found your blog, but I enjoy reading it.

    I enjoy reading your blog for a few different reasons.

    First, you’re such a good writer! Writing in blog form isn’t easy but you do it very well. You can describe daily events and people you see in a way that I can relate to. Yes, I have real-life friends, but I like the written word too. Your post about the driving-while-smoking incident that led you to quit cigs made me laugh out loud.

    2nd – I live in an area in the northwestern US where the Af-Am population is smaller, certain social dynamics are different, and I appreciate your perspective and insight. I’m one of fewer than four Black women in my graduate school department. Sometimes, I like to take a break from databases and read someone’s commentary on the world, their city, or simply the events of the day. It’s really hard to do that well.

    3rd – It’s important to acknowledge the stressful times and valleys in life. We’re all human and we all have our internal struggles. Religious faith and communities should SUPPORT people trying to deal with the difficult times in life. If someone judges a person harshly because that person in depressed, well, then I’d hate to be a member of your church. Maybe you need to break out your Bible and actually read it — think of the support the apostles provided one another and think of them as role models.”Hideous negress”? Some bitter, frustrated person has a bit of a problem. That’s why I don’t usually bother to read blog comments.

    4th – It’s interesting to hear the POV of someone with values similar to mine. I interact with many different points of view in academic, work, and social worlds but I like knowing that I’m not alone in my ponderings about ambition, class, one’s role in the community, daily life,etc.

    Best wishes to you for enjoying what is obviously already a good, productive life.

  5. “A few others were condemming me and explained that no Christian would attempt to take their own life, they’d never have sex before marriage, and a litany of other things that made me in their words “a hideous negress”.”

    What the phuck?! I really can’t stand those that live in glass houses but continue to throw stones. Those emails were VERY uncalled for and extremely disrespectful. I hope the person(s) that sent them to you are reading this so they can see that I hope they choke a pair of hairy balls.

    Anyway, keep doing your thing the way that you choose to do it. I love your blog and see that many others feel the same.

  6. Are you serious? Just hit delete when you get a post like that – don’t even finish reading it and remove it from your mind ASAP. I don’t know where people get off passing judgement like that – especially someone else CLAIMING to be christian. Christianity is about turning the other cheek, helping your neighbors (even those who might be enemies) and recognizing that we all have our faults, that no one is perfect, and that we should leave judgment to God. Those who do otherwise in the name of Christianity make my blood boil beyond almost anything else. If there is one thing I cannot stand it is a self-righteous know it all who passes judgement on others, especially people they don’t know personally. There are few types of people I can’t tolerate and people like that are at the top of that list!

    Hope you can blow it off and keep on posting. I really enjoy your blog. Thanks for sharing with us!

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