As much as I love my truck, I’m REALLY bad about getting it washed. This weekend I decided to take advantage of the not-so-damn-cold weather and run it through the wash.
I pulled up to the bay, inserted my credit card, and pressed the button for the Deluxe Wash (that was the middle option between Ultimate and Basic). I wasn’t trying to get all fancy with it, just wash off the salt and ish that was embedded in my hood and grill.
Machine: “Ultimate Wash selected”
Me: “Dammit! I wanted the Deluxe!” *pushes Deluxe button*
Machine: “Please remove your receipt and credit card. Pull forward and follow the lighted instructions. Thank you for selecting Ultimate Wash. Have. A. Pleasant. Day.”
D: “Guess the machine was trying to do you a favor. Your truck is dirrrrttaaaayyyyy”
Me: “You and this damn machine are plotting against me. Whatever” *pulls forward into the bay*
Now mind you, this is one of those car washes that you just pull into and the machine does it’s job around you. You don’t get out of the vehicle. It’s kind of like sitting in a garage with a robot doing all the work.
The “pull forward” light turned on and I drove forward. Normally you drive to a certain point and your front tire hits a switch that lets the machine know to start the wash. I drove over and past that point and the damn light was still on. I drove backward, and hte light was still on. Drove forward again and the light still didn’t go off. I’m on WTF mode at this point since the water hadn’t started and the light was still on telling me to pull forward. The whole front half of my truck was outside the bay at this point.
Luckily there was someone waiting in line behind me and he was witness to the mess that I was going through. He directed me back and told me to drive slightly to the left. As soon as I did that, the water started.
All seemed well…first spray of water, first spray of soap. Then my friggin driver side door popped open in the middle of a spray of water going by. I couldn’t open it all the way to close it back because we were in the middle of a spray of water. But of course, I got sprayed. I managed to open it quickly and close it after the water jet went by, but it popped open AGAIN as the jet of wax went by. Sprayed a.fuggin.gain. Opened and closed the door one more time. So I ended up sitting there covered in three colors of wax and like a quart of water waiting for the damn wash cycle to finish.
D: “The truck is getting back at you for not washing it in forever. And spray wax looks kinda sexy on you in those colors. Bwahahahahahah”
Me: “You don’t give a damn about me do you?? I could have gotten sprayed in the eye or jacked up by the big scrubby brush”
D: “Speaking of scrubby brushes, stick your head out the window now. Your hair looks kinda beat today, maybe the hot wax will help….”
Me: “Remind me to make an appointment for Divorce Court. You aint no kinda good!!”