Confessions To My Mama, Vol. 1

Mom,

I love you dearly and would give the world for you. I appreciate you doing things all on your own for so long, and for sparing the belt a few times when I deserved to get my behind whooped. Well, there are a few things I need to get off my chest an confess to you. And since we live so far apart now, I figure this is a good time since you can’t e-whoop my butt or send a can of whoop ass through the phone.

-Remember when I was about 8 and you got that crazy looking phone bill with all the calls to the 1-900 numbers? Umm, yeah….that wasn’t someone tapping into your line. That was definitely me. I called Dionne Warwick ‘nem to find out if they knew how third grade was going to go for me.

-Those cream puffy things that you kept making for dessert? I hated them. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings because you looked so proud of your work. I’m glad you stopped making them. Thanks daddy for breaking the bad news for me. 

-It wasn’t the neighbors who broke your hubcap. When you went on vacation I found your spare car keys and took the car out for a joyride. I know I didn’t have my license yet, but I figured a learner’s permit was just as good. Grandma knew about it and she promised me she wouldn’t tell. That story was all her.

-That night I went to that biiiiig party at Keisha’s that I hyped up? Nope, didn’t go. There was no party. I was at dude’s house for the night, but I knew you’d knock me into oblivion if I told you that, so I made up that party.

-That night I broke curfew at the bonfire…wasn’t my allergies. I was definitely high. You didn’t notice the crazy munchies I had?

If you had any idea about those things, you surely didn’t tell me about it. So thank you for letting me think I got away with some stuff. If you didn’t know about those things…Iloveyoumama!! I turned out just fine–I think I did anyway–so I guess it’s for the best. And yes, I punked out big telling you in this way and I ain’t got noooo shame about that. You might be a little older now, but I have no doubt that you still have the power to mess me all up so I wasn’t about to take chances.

Love you,

Me

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2 thoughts on “Confessions To My Mama, Vol. 1

  1. Wow…you are wild, girl. I’m dying over the Dionne Warwick number. I totally remember! My hubby always talks about her big nostrils flaring during those commercials. Too funny! Infomercials just aren’t the same anymore.

    You know, I’ve never indulged in the “smokies” myself. I think I’m so silly naturally that someone would probably have me committed after one puff. Plus, my dad indulged multiple times when he was younger, he would have probably spotted it with no trouble. Cheetos down in 2 seconds flat? “What you been smokin’, girl?”

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