I love you dearly and would give the world for you. I appreciate you doing things all on your own for so long, and for sparing the belt a few times when I deserved to get my behind whooped. Well, there are a few things I need to get off my chest an confess to you. And since we live so far apart now, I figure this is a good time since you can’t e-whoop my butt or send a can of whoop ass through the phone.
-Remember when I was about 8 and you got that crazy looking phone bill with all the calls to the 1-900 numbers? Umm, yeah….that wasn’t someone tapping into your line. That was definitely me. I called Dionne Warwick ‘nem to find out if they knew how third grade was going to go for me.
-Those cream puffy things that you kept making for dessert? I hated them. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings because you looked so proud of your work. I’m glad you stopped making them. Thanks daddy for breaking the bad news for me.
-It wasn’t the neighbors who broke your hubcap. When you went on vacation I found your spare car keys and took the car out for a joyride. I know I didn’t have my license yet, but I figured a learner’s permit was just as good. Grandma knew about it and she promised me she wouldn’t tell. That story was all her.
-That night I went to that biiiiig party at Keisha’s that I hyped up? Nope, didn’t go. There was no party. I was at dude’s house for the night, but I knew you’d knock me into oblivion if I told you that, so I made up that party.
-That night I broke curfew at the bonfire…wasn’t my allergies. I was definitely high. You didn’t notice the crazy munchies I had?
If you had any idea about those things, you surely didn’t tell me about it. So thank you for letting me think I got away with some stuff. If you didn’t know about those things…Iloveyoumama!! I turned out just fine–I think I did anyway–so I guess it’s for the best. And yes, I punked out big telling you in this way and I ain’t got noooo shame about that. You might be a little older now, but I have no doubt that you still have the power to mess me all up so I wasn’t about to take chances.