Savages Get What They Deserve

So you remember I wrote about my work savages the other day. I thought all about making a batch of brownies with chocolate ex-lax or a coffee cake with a whole bottle of Metamucil fiber, but I didn’t even have to get to it to get my revenge.

Big Hungry, the girl who ate my ish last time was rifling around the refrigerator looking for something to eat on Monday because of course she didn’t bring any. One of our co-workers said, “I’ve got some Chinese food in there you can have, but I don’t know if I’d eat it because it’s been in there since Friday before last. It’s shrimp fried rice”. Of course she was excited and took this woman up on her offer. Week-plus old shrimp fried rice is some stuff I wouldn’t go near with a ten foot pole.

She warmed the grub up and of course it stank to high heaven all over the building. My department’s section is right off the kitchen so we get all the lunch odors, but this mess smelled all the way two departments away. People were coming in the front door talkinbout “Daaaamn, who’s got the fish” and “Who didn’t shower!?”. You’d think that’d be warning enough to you not to eat the toxic waste in the microwave.

Gone in about ten minutes flat. She didn’t say thank you to the woman who graciously (lol) gave her the rice, and didn’t offer any — not like we’d want any, but again the principle. The principle dammit! After about twenty minutes, she started complaining about how she had a really bad stomachache. All of a sudden she was basically on the floor writhing around saying she felt like something was alive in her stomach and trying to come out through her navel.

Ultimately she got extra green in the face and went home early doubled over barely able to make it to her car. I’m a nice person, and her boss, so I called her later to make sure she got home safely. Yep, she did, but after that my niceness stopped. Took me everything in me not to say “this is what you get for eating other people’s food”. But that wouldn’t be nice, now would it?

Bet she won’t be eating anything that’s not hers from now on. Hmph.