Hot Weather Musings

-Yeah it’s hot. But I’ll take this over 4 feet of snow any day. Yeah, I was raised up north but I’ve got that island blood in my veins.

-I’m still not understanding how the people whose job it is to stand on the corner and hold signs for car dealerships and what not don’t look like funky, sweaty messes. That must be some strong azz antiperspirant.

-A lady at work runs to the building and to her car daily because she doesn’t want to get any darker. Miss if you haven’t noticed, you’re already the color of coal. A little sun won’t hurt ya–vitamin D and all. But is colorism really still that deep? Ol’ girl won’t even sit outside at  a cookout.

-People on FB kill me. Complaining about dudes complimenting them everywhere they go, but in the next breath (or would it be status? whatever) complaining how they feel invisible and can’t find a man to date.

-Speaking of FB, please stop taking pictures of yourself in daisy dukes and a skin-tight halter top, proceeding to post said pictures on your wall then complaining when someone’s got something smart to say.

-Flip flops should cover the whole bottom of your foot. Your dirty, ashy, crocodile skin-looking heel shouldn’t be hanging off the back. Just because it was on the clearance rack and it’s cute doesn’t mean it necessarily fits your foot.

-Please tip the pedicure lady. She’s working far too hard this summer.

-You wear a plus size 22. Your sundress shouldn’t come from the juniors department. Just because spandex is in it doesn’t mean it stretches that damn far. Please be just a bit more vain, okay? Fabulous comes in all sizes.

-This conversation has occurred in my mind more than once this summer as I pass by some mess: “Sir. Sir! *taps dude on the shoulder* Listen, bruh. You have moobs. Yes, man-tittays. And a beer gut the size of your girlfriend’s seven month pregnant belly. It may just be time to retire the mesh wife beater. Save that for…no one actually. Please put on a t-shirt”

-Who in the hell decided it was a good idea to leave their dog in the car while they went shopping? Fido was up in that vehicle looking like he was about to melt into oblivion. Yeah, that was me who reported you. I’m sure you were cussing me till kingdom come, but Tasha loves the puppies too.

-Perfume does not cover up funk, and most certainly never will when it’s 103 degrees. *hands you some Irish Spring and a clue*

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2 thoughts on “Hot Weather Musings

  1. “-A lady at work runs to the building and to her car daily because she doesn’t want to get any darker”

    OMG, I just screamed…at my desk!!!! Bwahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

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