In college, I worked at A.AA doing Emergency Roadside dispatch. I was the person you’d call when your car broke down and you needed a tow. I arranged the tow or whatever you needed and called you back with an estimated time of arrival. I worked the night shift obviously, since I was in school during the day. Brutal stuff, but ya girl had bills and ish so working full time and school full time it was.
I worked over one Memorial Day weekend just to get some extra hours before I went back home for the summer, plus that holiday shift differential was no joke. I got the following call, pretty much verbatim from what I can remember:
Me: Good Evening, thank you for calling A.AA. My name is Natasha. How can I help you?
Caller: *screaming* I locked my gotdamned keys in the car! I need some assistance!
Me: Okay sir, no problem. What is your member number?
Caller: *screaming* I locked my gotdamned keys in the car! You gonna send someone out to help me or what!??
Me: I need your member number and your location before I can send someone out to help you.
Caller: If I knew the location of my keys I wouldn’t be on the phone with you. I need my keeeeeeyyyyzzzzz *slurring words and half crying*
Me: I gotcha, but I need some information first. Where are you at? So I can send someone to you? **Man on the phone gives me his member number and his location finally** What kind of car do you have?
Caller: My keys dammit! My keys are in the car gotdammit! Nevermind what kind of car it is!!
Me: Sir. I need to tell the driver what kind of car you’re driving so he knows what to look for in the parking lot.
Caller: Tell his ass to look for my car. The one with no keys woman! But it’ssshhhhh *slurring words again* Hold on, I’m ttthhhrying to open thisssshh Corona and hold the phone at the same time. It’s a Chrysler Sebring Convertible. Gold.
Me: Okay. Convertible. Gold *typing information into system*
Caller: Bissshhh, my keeeeeeeeyyyyyyyzzzz. I neeeeeeeed my keeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyz. I gotta take a piss so bad and I need my keeeeeeeeeyyyyyzzzzzzzzzz to get home to the toilet!
Me: *realizing he’s drunk as sin* By any chance is the top down on the car?
Caller: Of course it is. It’s Memorial Day. That’s why I brought it out, dummy. I need my keeeeeeyyyyz. Please hurry!
Me: Umm, just reach in and grab the keys out of the car. The top is down so you should be able to get in with no problem. Jump in and get your keys sir.
Caller: Miss I would do that. But the car is locked. DUH! That’s why I called you!
Me: You have a convertible. You can reach in and unlock the door yourself. You don’t need us.
Caller: Maybe you didn’t hear me. The door is LOCKED!
Me: Okay. I gotcha. I will call the tow truck and call you back at the number you called us from to let you know what time they will be there. *hangs up*
I called the cops rather than the tow truck, because I knew the guy was too drunk to drive, let alone realize that the top.of.his.car.was.open so he could just get the daggone keys. I called him back to let him know that someone would assist him in about 10 minutes. I let my supervisor know and she agreed that I made the right decision.
Three days later, he called back to file a complaint against me because I caused him to get picked up for public intoxication or some nonsense. My supervisor let me know but I didn’t hear anything else about it after that. Ratchet as it was, I’m glad he called because I know that would have ended badly if he’d gotten in his car. That would have been a whooole different call.