Ugh, it’s only the beginning of the semester and I’m already knee deep in work and projects. Le sigh…
Once my parents got divorced and my father became a strobe light parent (on one moment, off the next), I became much less close with his family. My mother really didn’t want me to have much to do with his people, even though they constantly reached out to me. By the time I understood that fact, I’d already been so removed from them that I had little desire to reconnect.
I continued through life wondering here and there about them and would get the occasional update about my uncles and cousins when I spoke to my dad, and that was good enough for me. When my grandmother (his mom) died, I went to the funeral and met a whole bunch of my family that I’d never seen before. That planted a seed in me to learn more about where I come from but I never really nurtured that desire.
Fast forward to now. D and I are getting our lives in order to start a family, so I’ve been led to wonder a lot more about my father’s side of the “tree”. One of my so-called resolutions/goals for the new year was to put forth an earnest effort to reach out to the cousins I know the best and work from there. I planned on making some calls around March, but I was beaten to the punch.
Last night I got an email from one of my cousins inviting me to our family reunion in Jamaica where we’re from this July. She got my email address from my father–I guess I can’t say he’s never done anything for me. I was afraid to check out the website because I just assumed it’d be some foolishness, but I was pleasantly mistaken. I’m seeing now that just because my father’s middle name may as well be “What The Hell!?”, doesn’t mean they’re all like that.
D and I were already planning on going to Jamaica this December for our anniversary, but it looks like we’re going to be taking an extra trip. I’m actually excited to get to know these people. I’m not expecting us to be super-tight after this meeting, but I’m optimistic. It’d be nice for my future kids to be able to know their whole family. If nothing else, it’ll be an extra getaway for the year.
I’ve been in a 90’s mood lately. I’ve always loved this song, and it stays in heavy rotation on my ipod. I’m not sure what the video has to do with the song, but then again there are so few videos that have to do with the song.
SWV – Right Here
Ahh yes, the days of poet blouses, riding pants, and Dwayne Wayne sunglasses. Gotta love the early 90’s. I used to keep my TV on “The Box” and make mix tapes from the radio. In the words of one of my favorite songs, “Back in the days when I was young/I’m not a kid anymore….”
Even as a little kid, I was never good at hula hooping. For some reason, I could move my hips like my life depended on it, but that damn hoop would still hit the ground like a sack of concrete.
Needless to say, I was maaad skeptical when I heard about “fitness hooping” at the gym. Basically you use weighted hula hoops to help tone your midsection. First I couldn’t wrap my mind around a weighted hula hoop — I pictured something crazy like a dumbell taped to a hula hoop. I’m no physicist, but I don’t think Mother Nature would be cool with that. But I did a little digging and found that the hoops come in different weights (usually 3-5 lbs.) and different diameters. The differing diameters/weights make the excercise easier or harder.
I found a whole bunch of websites that sell hooping programs, but even though I was a hooping virgin I figured I’d give it a try myself. I found that using a 3 lb hoop provided a good amount of resistance. I used a larger diameter at first because it moves slower and was easier to control. Like I said earlier, hula hooping didn’t come easy to me as a kid, so this was good for me. I finally got the hoop thing down, so now it won’t fall to my ankles.
It was really really fun, and was a great alternative to yoga and pilates. I did overdo it on my first try though and heard from a few other people that it’s easy to do since the movement is so much fun, so if you’re going to try it be careful not to over do it.
I found my hoops online, but I’ve seen them in the sporting goods stores too. I can see myself doing this rather than crunches and other ab work. It’s fun to throw on some music and keep it movin.
This is a repost from a few years ago, but apparently it’s still very relevant:
I’ve been thinking about this whole good dude concept. There’s been a lot of “talk” around the blogosphere lately about good dudes and the lack thereof and it’s really got me irritated.
I’ll probably get blasted for my opinions, but whatever. It is my damn blog after all. Anyway. More often than not, when I ask women what constitutes a “good man”, they launch into a litany of adjectives something akin to this:
“He’s got to be:
That’s great, but where are the personality traits? What about how he treats you and how he makes you feel? What is he about? What causes does he really support? What are his views about God and spirituality? It’s not enough to just ask does he go to church. How was he raised? Who raised him? Last time I checked, those things were more important than how muscular he is.
Too many times I’ve seen women who basically walk around with a list of adjectives that a man must resemble in order for her to date him. Enter a real good dude who treats her like a queen and does nothing but enhance her life mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. But his adjectives don’t match the ones on her list. He’s automatically crossed off the list and tossed to the curb. He’s put into the category of a “he ain’t shit” man, and she continues going around bitching about how there’s no good men out there. The good ones that might fit 90% of her adjective list pick up on her shallow, negative, judgemental attitude and dismiss her. So those men become “he ain’t shit” men as well–because they don’t want her. God forbid someone not find her to be the best woman going, right. God forbid someone think she have an unattractive attitude.
So finally someone convinces her to go on a date with someone that doesn’t quite match her list of required adjectives. Let’s say he doesn’t have a white-collar job, but is instead a Metro train driver. She likes him okay, but she writes him off as well because he doesn’t manage expense accounts at work. “He can’t do nothin’ for me”, she says, trying to take comfort in her list of must-haves.
But let me tell you, a list of adjectives does not make a man. Rarely will the “one” fit that list perfectly. Yes, please have standards, but be open to the possibiilty. How do I know? Because I was the one with that list. Before I opened myself up to the idea that my good dude may not be a mirror-image of me in terms of career or anything else, I swore that most men “weren’t shit” and that very few “could do anything for me”. But then I changed my thinking because I realized that trying to find a man that matched my adjective list was preventing me from being a good me so I didn’t attract many good dudes to begin with.
My husband doesn’t really match the list I had in mind. He’s not college-educated; he instead went to the Army after high-school and then off to Afghanistan to fight for my freedom. He doesn’t wear a suit and tie to work; instead he wears a gun, nightstick, handcuffs, and does his job from a police cruiser. He doesn’t have a gold AmEx card; instead he has 2 regular Visa cards and he’s the most financially responsible man I know and manages his well. He doesn’t have a huge McMansion; but instead bought us a lovely townhome in a great neighborhood. He’s nothing that I thought I wanted, but everything that I need and has turned out to be everything that I really want.
My whole point is, before you start writing men off as no good because they don’t fit your perfect little list, take a closer look. The good dude might just be the one you let slip away or the one you’re trying to distance yourself from now. Keep your standards, not a list of adjectives. I promise, good will come.
If you’re lucky enough to have the day off, or even if you don’t (like me) please remember the reason for this holiday…
No, Dr. King wasn’t perfect but he worked hard for many of us to be able to enjoy the liberties that we so often take advantage of. Even with a black president, we’ve still got a ways to go before we’re living “The Dream”, but we can continue to strive.
So somewhere between sleeping late and heading to the mall to catch a good sale, please make sure to remember why you have the 3rd Monday in January to do as you please.
Last week I was talking about pulling and checking your credit reports. Now that you’ve done all of that, it’s about time to see what you can do about the credit items listed. Hopefully you’ve disputed or are in the process of disputing any incorrect information.
If you have any credit items that have a high balance, or are 30 or more days past due (and they’re being reported correctly), you can typically work with the original creditor to negotiate a payment plan. This doesn’t always work, but it’s worth a try. D was able to negotiate the payments on an old medical debt, and for that they arranged to delete the negative information for payment in full of the debt (which they actually agreed to take less than the actual amount owed).
Also, more often than not you’re not getting the best interest rate that you can get. It’s also worth trying to negotiate a lower interest rate with your credit card company. I called my credit card company in November to see if I could negotiate my ugly looking 11% interest rate down. I wasn’t expecting much if any change, but I was able to bring the rate down to 7.2%. It’s not the best rate ever, but it does lower my minimum payment down to a nicer looking level. I plan to have that card paid off in the next four months, so I’ll be one more step closer to debt free.
So pick up the phone and communicate with your creditors. It may just be one of the best things you can do.
Mom,
I love you dearly and would give the world for you. I appreciate you doing things all on your own for so long, and for sparing the belt a few times when I deserved to get my behind whooped. Well, there are a few things I need to get off my chest an confess to you. And since we live so far apart now, I figure this is a good time since you can’t e-whoop my butt or send a can of whoop ass through the phone.
-Remember when I was about 8 and you got that crazy looking phone bill with all the calls to the 1-900 numbers? Umm, yeah….that wasn’t someone tapping into your line. That was definitely me. I called Dionne Warwick ‘nem to find out if they knew how third grade was going to go for me.
-Those cream puffy things that you kept making for dessert? I hated them. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings because you looked so proud of your work. I’m glad you stopped making them. Thanks daddy for breaking the bad news for me.
-It wasn’t the neighbors who broke your hubcap. When you went on vacation I found your spare car keys and took the car out for a joyride. I know I didn’t have my license yet, but I figured a learner’s permit was just as good. Grandma knew about it and she promised me she wouldn’t tell. That story was all her.
-That night I went to that biiiiig party at Keisha’s that I hyped up? Nope, didn’t go. There was no party. I was at dude’s house for the night, but I knew you’d knock me into oblivion if I told you that, so I made up that party.
-That night I broke curfew at the bonfire…wasn’t my allergies. I was definitely high. You didn’t notice the crazy munchies I had?
If you had any idea about those things, you surely didn’t tell me about it. So thank you for letting me think I got away with some stuff. If you didn’t know about those things…Iloveyoumama!! I turned out just fine–I think I did anyway–so I guess it’s for the best. And yes, I punked out big telling you in this way and I ain’t got noooo shame about that. You might be a little older now, but I have no doubt that you still have the power to mess me all up so I wasn’t about to take chances.
Love you,
Me
Haiti has been devastated by a 7.0 magnitude earthquake. The nation was already suffering, and this hits. Please put some extra prayers into whomever/whatever it is you praise.
You can provide monetary help to UNICEF’s relief efforts here.
I’m still on my get it tight grind. Yay, two whole weeks. Go me, right! Right? Riiiight. I’m trying to get myself a lil less fluffy for summer, but more importantly for life. Since New Years I’m down 4lbs. *does the Buddy Love dance from Nutty Professor….”nothin’ but aiir there, nothin but aiiiir there”*
I’ve worked out a few times using Wii Fit. Well, enough times that I got yelled at for not working out enough. Well I’ll be dammed. How is a piece of electronic stuff gon’ have the nerve to scream on me? I had half a mind to cuss back at it, but then I remembered…I’m yelling at the TV. *ahem*.
Anyhoo, I really enjoy the Fit, but I’m also looking for something else to keep me occupied when the weather is too nasty (or I’m too lazy) to take my bones to the gym. I’m going back and forth now between the Jil.lian Mic.haels thing…she’s one of the trainers from the Bi.ggest Lo.ser and the Jenn.y M.cCarthy program. I’ll probably make a decision in the next few days. I’ve been trying to find reviews of both, but haven’t found anything really worth my while, so we’ll see.
One of my coworkers asked me if I’d be willing to audition for the Bi.ggest Lo.ser with her, but I had to give a big ol’ hell naw to that one. It’s bad enough I gotta look at myself sweating and grunting when I’m working out…I don’t need the rest of the gotdamned world seeing that ish. So if you’re in the DMV and are looking for a partner to audition for the show with, get at me and we might be able to have you take my place.
